970x125
This week, I’m wrapping up this year’s session of my course “Assessing and Treating Sex Issues in Psychotherapy.” It’s been a pleasure to see how far all of the students have come in the past 15 weeks, and to follow along as their cases progress and their skills and confidence grow.
As a result, I’ve been thinking a lot about what actually allows people to take something they learn from theory to practice. How do we implement what we learn? How do we experiment with it? And how do we assess our experiments and decide what to do next?
One of the most common issues I see therapists face in this context is this: What do you do when you try a new intervention, and it doesn’t quite work out in the way you planned?
I think a lot of therapists panic when an intervention doesn’t land the way they wanted. It can leave you scrambling for a next step or doubting yourself. But when an intervention doesn’t land, it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.
Perhaps I can offer a reframe: When the intervention doesn’t pan out, that’s useful information. It’s a cue to perk up your ears and get curious. Ask yourself: What can I learn from the way it actually went?
Is there something about my delivery that might not be working? Pacing, wording, wordiness, or some other aspect?
What is my client telling me, if I listen between the lines?
- Perhaps something about where exactly they feel vulnerable, or which words or situations or perceptions are activating for them?
- If you stick with it, maybe making a small pivot, can you help them grow capacity in that exact spot? A big retreat or pivot isn’t the only option.
Alternatively, is it possible that my client just isn’t ready for this intervention?
- Sometimes we get three miles ahead of our clients; it might be time to back off, slow down, get on their exact wavelength, or even make a repair.
I remember this concept with the phrase “Every intervention is also an assessment.” In other words, even if it didn’t go quite how you intended, it’s still doing its job. Here’s some language you can use to lean in:
“When I said (whatever you said), I noticed that you (reacted in whatever way they did). I’m very curious to know what happened for you in that moment.”
When you lean in rather than panicking, you can learn a lot. Take a breath, slow down, and set aside any self-judgmental thoughts that might be pouring in. Use this moment as your golden opportunity to get a deeper peek into your client’s world.
