10 Reasons Every Couple Needs a Prenuptial Agreement

There’s an old joke: “What’s a surefire way to win money in Las Vegas? Invest in the casinos.”

I’ve never heard of a couple exchanging vows before their family, friends, and loved ones say, “This is probably not going to end well.” On that sacred day at the courthouse, every couple believes their love is the exception— different, unique—the one that is immune to statistics and the eventual argument about who gets to keep the $3,295 espresso machine. I have spent enough years as a therapist listening to spurned and jilted husbands and wives to know that, in the words of Yuval Harari, “It’s all story.” There’s no objective truth, there’s no there there, it’s just “He said… she said…” (or “He said… he said…” or “She said… she said…” or “They said…”—you get the point).

Why a Prenup Makes Sense for Every Couple

A prenuptial agreement isn’t a sign of doubt or pessimism or weakness; it’s the only mature adult decision for people who aren’t psychic with 100 percent batting average. I’ve literally heard of husbands and wives just getting up one morning and leaving unexpectedly, out of nowhere, for no apparent reason.

So here are 10 reasons every couple, irrespective of income sizes, ego sizes, relationship histories, or certainty of undying love, should have a prenuptial agreement:

1. Marriage is a legal agreement. Underneath the vows, the flowers, and the first dance is a binding contract that reallocates property, debt, and support obligations, whether or not you ever read the fine print. Pretending otherwise doesn’t make it less true; it just means someone else—usually several attorneys and a judge—will decide the terms for you later.
2. A significant percentage of marriages end in divorce. I don’t think the old “50 percent” myth from the swinging 1980s is still floating around dinner parties, but the CDC currently estimates the figure is closer to 41 percent for first marriages, with worse odds for second and third attempts at this lifelong commitment.
3. Once a marriage deteriorates, people try to price the betrayal they feel in dollars (and child custody time). Litigation becomes the lingua franca of resentment. Signed while everyone still likes each other, a prenup takes much of that emotional terrorism off the table.
4. It’s probably the only honest conversation about money you’ll have before a decade of shared history raises the emotional stakes of every disagreement to code red. A prenup forces two people to negotiate fairness plainly, which will tell you more about the relationship than most idealistic wedding vows do.
5. It protects whatever either of you builds during the marriage. Without an agreement, your business, your medical practice, your artwork and music—all of it—can become bargaining chips in a divorce, irrespective of who actually built whatever was built.
6. Prenups shield inheritances and family assets. Money that your parents designated for you shouldn’t end up as a document on a courtroom table; a prenup can keep your grandparents out of the proceedings.
7. Prenups replace possible years of exorbitant legal fees with a few afternoons or weeks of paperwork. Attorney fees for contested divorces routinely run into six figures—and when forensic accountants and legal teams get involved, I’ve seen attorney fees go into seven figures. This is money that could have gone toward vacations, education, investments, and retirement.
8. Prenups protect the lower-earning spouse, too. A well-drafted prenup isn’t a one-way shield for the wealthier partner; it can set minimum provisions and support terms that guarantee the less-monied spouse isn’t left with nothing after years of shared life.
9. In California, marriages past 10 years leave courts with indefinite jurisdiction over spousal support. It’s not a lifetime sentence, but it can be an open door, nonetheless. A prenup defines the terms in advance, instead of leaving them up to a judge years later.
10. Travis and Taylor have one! If a woman with a $2 billion empire decided the smartest pre-wedding move was a prenup drafted by her father, and that Travis agreed to it, that should tell you something about where actual financial and emotional intelligence lands on this issue, irrespective of what your uncle or religious fanatics tell you.

Call me jaded, but in my Esalen workshops I would jest that “Marriage for life was a fantastic idea in the 13th century when the average lifespan was 28. But now that the average person gets married at 30 and lives until 79, committing yourself to one person for 49 years may not be the smartest thing human beings have ever done.”

In the future—and in some places, people are already exploring this possibility—marriage contracts will be time-limited and renewable. It will be more akin to leasing than owning. And since one party (the woman) is no longer considered to be chattel, renewable marriage contracts would make this institution feel less like an escape room. It might even inspire people to behave better.

Psychologically, when two people vow, “Till death do us part,” and one or both parties break that vow, it often lands as betrayal or abandonment. Prenups sequester the usually accompanying resentment from the ensuing paperwork at a time when heightened emotions could cloud reason. A prenup doesn’t predict an ending; it simply ensures that if one ever comes, it’s settled by two people who once loved each other very much, instead of by attorneys who never… well, let’s just say that attorneys are probably more concerned with their own families than they are with yours.