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One of my clients, whom I’ll call Meng, embodied the American dream.
Born in Beijing, he earned a scholarship to study computer science in the United States before founding a software company worth millions.
Still, an unexpected dilemma brought him to our session in distress. Meng told me that a new opportunity had emerged that could potentially double the value of his company. But there was a catch: it would require an extra three years of hard work.
Meng said he was conflicted about compromising his work-life balance, seeing the choice as a common one between personal time and wealth.
But when I asked Meng what doubling his net worth would actually mean for him, he paused.
“Not much,” he admitted. “I’m happy with my lifestyle.”
We kept exploring. Soon, we discovered that the opportunity’s true allure for Meng went much deeper. Meng’s software company aided government agencies in communicating with citizens, so he knew that growing the business would mean serving many more people. On top of that, the offer would allow his company to double its charitable contributions, including to one organization that provided meals for children in Beijing. Every morning Meng would receive photographs of the children his donations helped feed. Those emails, he told me, brightened his entire day.
As Meng reflected, his uncertainty disappeared. The additional years suddenly felt worthwhile, balanced against fulfillment instead of personal gain.
“I’ll do it,” he told me. “I’d never walk away from a chance to make this kind of impact.”
Research Reveals: Why Service Changes Us
Meng’s experience represents something psychologists have long observed: giving to others changes the giver, down to our neurons.
Research consistently finds that acts of generosity are associated with lower stress, improved cardiovascular health, greater life satisfaction, and enhanced psychological well-being.[i],[ii] Volunteering (which in and of itself combats isolation by connecting us to our community) has even been linked to better physical health and longevity.[iii],[iv] Remarkably, simply witnessing acts of kindness can elevate mood and strengthen immune functioning.[v]
Humans possess mirror neurons: cells that allow us to resonate with another person’s emotional experience, laying the neurological foundation for empathy and compassion.
Even infants display signs of concern when they observe distress,[vi] suggesting that caring for others is not merely a learned moral ideal but part of our biological design.
Small Acts Matter More Than We Think
Service—one of the qualities in the spiritual intelligence framework—can be developed at any scale.
It might be through expressing genuine gratitude to a grocery clerk, letting another driver merge in traffic, or giving your full attention to your child rather than rushing through bedtime. These simple moments transform routine activities into opportunities to reconnect with what matters most.
The size of the act matters far less than the care behind it.
What Pushes You to Serve?
There’s an important psychological distinction between serving because we feel we should and serving because we want to.
When our actions are driven largely by guilt, obligation, or the need to prove our worth, helping can become exhausting, pushing us towards resentment.
It’s also possible to become attached to the identity of being a “rescuer” or a “giver.” When service primarily fuels our ego, we risk burnout, codependency, or losing sight of the very people we’re trying to benefit. We may resist letting ourselves be vulnerable enough to receive in return (an act that allows others to be givers, weaving us together in a healthy, interdependent community).
The most sustainable form of service arises from love rather than obligation—from caring about something enough that contributing feels like a natural expression of who we are.
Your Turn: What Calls You to Serve?
Take a moment to slow your breathing. Consider having a journal nearby for any thoughts that arise.
With your mind quiet and relaxed, recall what moments of joy or satisfaction you have experienced while serving others. Did your decision to do so take any deliberation or did it arise spontaneously? How do you imagine it felt to be the recipient of that kindness? And how does it feel to recall the moment now? Notice how doing so affects your body and energy: your breath, tension levels, your chest, and your general sense of well-being.
Now, think of a time when you were the beneficiary of an act of kindness. How did it feel? What do you notice in your body and energy when you recall it? What happens to your breath, your chest, your tension levels, and your general sense of well-being?
Comparing the two, what is the difference in your experience between being the giver versus the receiver of service?
As Meng discovered, fulfillment often begins the moment we stop asking, “What can I get?” and start asking, “How can I contribute?”
