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There is a phenomenon in the misophonia community for parents where the caregiver, most often mom, feels her kid’s misophonia triggers as though she herself has misophonia. Anger, frustration, and an immediate “alert” feeling can coincide with a sound that the caregiver knows will trigger a reaction in their child. On the surface, this may seem like empathy and love, but neuroscience has a more complex explanation. Co-regulation refers to the nervous system’s ability to “sync up” between two individuals. This can be seen in parent-child relationships, friends, romantic partners, and more, but it is very common in the parent-child relationship, as it is a developmental process for learning and emotional regulation.
Kumar’s (Kumar, 2021) research on misophonia has already shown that mirror neurons, the neurons responsible for helping the process of co-regulation and which “mimic” the nervous system of another, are involved in the misophonic process. While co-regulation refers to the process of individuals becoming in sync, co-dysregulation is also possible. When half of the pair feels distress in their nervous system, the other’s distress follows. Note that this research was on misophonia in the triggered individual, so more research on the specific action of motor neurons in parents would be beneficial. This is my opinion on how these biological factors may be interacting. Essentially, while the child’s brain is “mirroring” the physical action of the sound, the parent’s brain may be “mirroring” the child’s physiological distress.
Due to this process, when moms and other caregivers are faced with their child’s misophonia trigger, they may feel a knee-jerk reaction. Sometimes the child doesn’t need to be there for this to happen, as we can learn to associate another’s distress with our own. This is not to say that the parent has misophonia (although in some cases they may), but that the parent is engaging in the process of co-regulation with their child. This survival tool is of the utmost importance for children to grow and learn, but it can also make it harder for a parent to help their child regulate, as their own nervous systems are also hijacked by the process.
For parents who are trying to help their child with misophonia, it can be beneficial for the parent as well as the child to engage in psychoeducation and use sensory regulation tools. Even though misophonia primarily impacts the child’s nervous system, it also has an impact on the caregivers.
Sensory regulation is “the ability to select and process sensory information to plan and perform appropriate behaviors” (Piccardi and Gliga, 2022). Rather than our behavior being something that is driven by our cognitive needs, it is instead driven by our neurophysiological and sensory needs (Dunn, 2014). Self-regulation refers to the ability to manage our own physiological states and choose behaviors in accordance with these states (Shanker and Barker, 2016).
Education for parents to help their children with misophonia can be found on The International Misophonia Foundation website.
