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Complete this sentence. “I would be happy if I only had a little more….”
If you’re like most people, you’d probably say “Money” or something similar to “rock-solid abs.” Most of us have a running list in our heads of things that must change in our lives before we can be happy. We often assume happiness is waiting just beyond the next achievement.
However, the evidence suggests that money only accounts for about 2 percent of the variance in happiness between people. And dieting can actually end up hurting happiness.
Maybe focusing on the numbers on the scale or in your bank account is not the way to get happier. If those pursuits don’t move the needle nearly as much as we’d expect, then where does happiness actually come from?
Science suggests that if you want to be happy, the key may be to start turning your attention away from yourself and toward others.
Research shows us, again and again, that the most relevant ingredient for happiness is feeling socially connected. For example, the longest-running study of human happiness (spanning across three generations and 80 years), the Harvard Longitudinal Study, found that high-quality relationships were the single most important factor for happiness throughout the lifespan. After decades of tracking careers, wealth, health, and relationships, researchers reached their remarkably simple conclusion. The quality of our relationships predicts happiness better than anything else studied.
Another study found that those who set and worked toward social (aka relatedness) goals reported greater gains in happiness than those who worked on personal growth goals. Rather than trying so hard to change yourself, if you really want to be happier, you might try putting that effort toward your relationships.
Beyond social connection, contributing to others’ lives is a potent way to become happier. Many studies have shown that altruism not only benefits the receiver but the giver as well. Doing things for others releases dopamine (and in fact, trait altruism is related to the specific D4 dopamine receptor) and feels good. Helping others literally activates the brain’s reward system, and it shows. People who do more good deeds for others report higher life satisfaction, greater positive affect, and lesser negative affect.
In a 2019 study, participants were asked to either do a good deed for others (e.g., donate to charity, give a compliment, etc.) or to practice some form of self-care (e.g., eating a nice meal, taking oneself out to a movie, etc.). After 10 days, their changes in happiness were tracked. While both groups experienced increases in well-being on days when they completed either task, the participants who did good deeds for others reported feeling more socially connected and a greater sense of purpose.
Taking care of yourself is important. As the saying goes, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first. But when taking care of your happiness, don’t forget about social connection and altruism as important parts of your self-care routine. Call up an old friend to catch up, and savor the joy you feel when laughing with them. Or help a stranger with their groceries. It’s ok if you’re only doing it for the free dopamine—no one has to know.
