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January is wrapping up. And if you are a New Year’s resolution person, I have some not great news for you. February is kind of where resolutions go to die. In fact, some studies show that 88 percent of New Year’s resolutions fail in the first two weeks. Partly it’s due to a common but largely debunked idea that it takes about 21 to 30 days to form a new habit. So in theory, if you started some new personal improvement commitment on January 1 and you really stuck to it (every day!), by February 1, it might be transformed into a habit.
That’s not how it usually goes. And the long window to changing a habit is only part of the issue.
Most resolutions—or any goal setting—focus on behavior only. That’s the problem.
There are a couple of challenges to most resolutions. First, it does take time to change behavior. And a lot of resolutions require behavioral changes that cannot be worked on every day. If you are trying to eat out only once per week, you will need far longer than 30 days to create new lasting behavior. The temptation likely doesn’t come up every single day. Second, you might be doing it, but it’s a process. For example, you want to learn to cook 30 new recipes this year. But you probably aren’t literally cooking a new recipe every night in January. So the practice hasn’t hardened into a habit yet.
But a 2009 study also showed that new habits take far longer to form than 21 days, or even 30. In fact, the range was 18 to 254 (at which point, is it even a range anymore?), but the average was 66 days. That is a long time to just do something (or not do something) simply because you committed to behave differently. This is when the why you are doing it is a better long-term motivation.
Thoughts, feelings, and behavior are all linked. But which comes first might be personal.
In order for the mental shift in your behavior to have enough time to occur, you need to focus on more than just behavior. Because the way you actually get to that 30-day mark is rarely successful if it means sheer willpower. You’re working against a basic, primal human instinct: We don’t like change. If your only focus is changing current behavior, you are fighting an evolutionary uphill battle. It’s about understanding which dynamic—thoughts, feelings, or behavior—is most motivating to you.
What does that look like practically? They all come back to one core issue: the why. We need to envision what you look like when this new commitment is a habit. In other words, it’s not “I’m the person who learned 30 new recipes.” It’s how it makes you feel: “I have a lot more confidence in my cooking. I have a broader base of go-to recipes in my repertoire. I’ve discovered dozens of new meals I enjoy.” It’s how you think about it: “I am a more confident cook.” Or it’s your behavior reframed as a successful shift in your identity already: “I am cooking more often; I am trying new things.”
This is different from checking off the 10th recipe. You are already in the process of being the person you want to become. After all, 30 recipes isn’t really a goal (even with weight loss, most people who want to lose 25 pounds would be happy with 23). When you focus on an exact number, you lose the point. Why do you want to cook more? The answer to that is the real resolution.
Why does it matter? Because we motivate in different ways. And that motivation often differs by how we experience these different lenses. There is no right or wrong, simply which framing works for you. Some people want to dress better because they like fashion. Some people want to dress better because they feel more confident—it’s not as much about that shoe or that handbag but the kind of identity it offers them.
Focus on the after version of you. Whatever your goals are this year—whether new year-tied or not—you might find more success when you focus on why you want to make the change, not the change itself. Think about the you that will exist after you succeed. What does that look like? How do you feel? What can you now do? If you want a promotion, don’t just say you will volunteer for bigger projects or request more opportunities to lead. Those are changes to current behavior, and each time you do it requires some willpower, some resistance to doing things differently from how you have in the past.
Instead, focus on why you want a promotion. Is it the money? (That is OK, though I’m honor bound as an organizational psychologist to tell you it’s not a great long-term reason.) Do you feel you need a newer, bigger framework because you’ve learned all you can? Then your thinking behind the new role isn’t just “I want a promotion.” It becomes: “I want this new opportunity because I think I can excel at it, and if my boss witnesses that, they might see me as someone who can lead.”
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Or you imagine yourself in the role, feeling successful and confident about being in charge, speaking in bigger rooms. You focus on that feeling and embody that: “I feel good when I do bigger projects. I don’t have the title yet, but I am living the life. These are the kind of projects that leaders lead.” You feed the feeling of where you will be, not the acts you have to change.
Best of all, January isn’t your only chance to change. And failing isn’t forever.
Many people have (rightly) abandoned the whole notion of New Year’s resolutions. January 1 feels momentous, but we commit to changes all the time. By definition, we make most changes the other 364 days of the year. If anything, we might be more successful when it’s less ominous. Does 2026 really have to be a whole new you? “New year, new you” might be…more new than you need. Resolve to reframe your thinking…and the other changes might become a lot easier.
