970x125
Starting therapy can feel very overwhelming, especially when you do not know what to expect. Spoiler alert: there is no such thing as a “perfect” therapy session. Many people come to therapy worried about saying the right things or having the right insights, maybe even showing up with a list of ideas or feelings. Therapy culture has created the idea that there is a “right” way to show up, when what matters is showing up for yourself.
I am going to try to break this complex practice of “therapy” into a few important sections that will help you understand what takes place in a session.
Show Up As You Are
Sometimes you come into sessions feeling eager to talk and have a lot to say.
Sometimes you are tired or overwhelmed and don’t know where to start.
Sometimes you are proud of yourself.
Sometimes you are annoyed that we are “still talking about the same thing.”
All of these versions of you are welcome. There is no way to predict how the session will go based on how you show up. There could be magic in the unknown or unsaid. You get to be a person, not a project.
Checking In
I start by checking in on how you have been feeling since we last met. Something simple like, ” How have things been going since we last talked?” There is no need to treat this as a test; you aren’t getting a report card. The goal is to help you orient yourself so that you know where you want to begin. This might lead us to explore:
- the thing you’ve been avoiding because it feels too big
- the conflict you keep replaying in your mind
- the numbness that scares you
- the anger you don’t feel allowed to have
- the grief that keeps resurfacing
- the pattern you’re tired of repeating
- the part of you that’s trying so hard to hold everything together
These are just some examples of things that might pop up during a session, but by no means is this the master list. Just a reminder that being human is a part of the therapy process.
Lastly, the biggest part, in my opinion, is that we are making meaning together. Therapy is not about the diagnosis but the patterns that we notice and connecting the dots by understanding the “why” underneath it all. You might hear me say something like ” I am noticing how hard you are being on yourself right now” or ” That makes sense.” Other times, I will reflect by stating something I notice, such as ” Your body is telling us something here” or ” You are not overreacting, you are responding.” My job isn’t to fix anything but to help you understand yourself more.
Evidence-Based Skills
Every session will depend on what you need, as we might work with a variety of techniques. This could look like simple grounding techniques or DBT emotion regulation skills. We could also work on boundary setting to help your communication skills thrive, or values-based discussions when you are feeling pulled in different directions. For trauma work, we might use EMDR to help your nervous system feel safer. None of this is about becoming perfect, but instead it’s about gaining more resources and having support.
The End
As the session comes to an end, we take a moment to reflect or find our takeaway. Sometimes, identifying what stood out or how we are feeling feels refreshing and rewarding. You might leave feeling lighter, or you might leave feeling stirred up. You might leave feeling more grounded or with more questions than answers. There is no right way. These are all signs that you are staying present in what is real.
The truth is, there is no typical therapy session.
