970x125
By Sheri McVay & Jonathan Santo
Most parents worry about grades. Others worry about screen time, social media, or whether their teenager is spending too much time online. Yet one of the strongest factors that can impact adolescent well-being may be something far more basic:
Does a teenager feel connected to the people and communities around them?
When we recently examined cyberbullying among nearly 29,000 adolescents across nine countries (McVay et al., 2025), we were interested in understanding how online victimization affected young people’s well-being. We expected cyberbullying to be associated with school-related distress. It was.
But what caught our attention was the nature of that distress. Adolescents who experienced greater levels of cyberbullying were more likely to report feeling lonely at school, awkward and out of place, and like outsiders who did not fit in. Although these experiences were measured as indicators of school-related distress, they point toward a broader developmental question:
What happens when young people begin to feel disconnected from the communities around them?
A Fundamental Human Need
For decades, psychologists have argued that the need to belong is one of the most fundamental human motivations (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). Human beings are naturally driven to form meaningful social connections and to feel accepted by those around them. In many ways, belonging is as essential to psychological well-being as food and shelter are to physical survival.
Although belonging matters throughout life, it becomes especially important during adolescence (Wang & Holcombe, 2010). This developmental period is marked by dramatic physical, emotional, cognitive, and social changes. Friendships become increasingly central. Peer approval carries greater weight. Young people begin exploring questions about identity, relationships, and their place in the world.
Interestingly, before adolescents can answer the question, “Who am I?” they often try to answer, “Where do I belong?”
Self-Determination Theory (SDT, Ryan & Deci, 2000) suggests that relatedness or belongingness (i.e., the experience of feeling connected to and valued by others) is one of the three basic psychological needs required for healthy functioning and well-being. When this need is fulfilled, adolescents are more likely to thrive. When it is threatened, difficulties often emerge.
Belonging and the School Experience
Belonging is more than simply having friends.
It is the feeling that you matter. It is the belief that you are accepted, valued, and respected by the people around you. It is the sense that there is a place where you fit.
Schools play an especially important role in shaping this experience. Research has consistently shown that school belonging is associated with greater academic motivation, stronger engagement, better achievement, and improved psychological well-being (Allen et al., 2018).
When adolescents feel connected to their school communities, they are more likely to participate in class, seek help when needed, develop positive relationships, and approach challenges with confidence. Ultimately, belonging acts as a psychological anchor during a period of life often characterized by uncertainty and change.
The Hidden Meaning Behind Cyberbullying
Much of the public conversation about cyberbullying focuses on the behavior itself: the hurtful messages, embarrassing photos, exclusion from group chats, or rumors spread online. These experiences are undoubtedly painful. However, they may be harmful for reasons that extend beyond the immediate emotional distress they cause.
At its core, cyberbullying often communicates a powerful social message: “You are not wanted here.”
Unlike many forms of traditional bullying, cyberbullying can occur in front of large audiences and follow adolescents wherever they go. A humiliating post can be shared repeatedly. A student can discover they have been excluded from a conversation. Rumors can spread within minutes. These experiences do more than hurt feelings. They can leave young people questioning their place within their peer groups and school communities.
Adolescence Essential Reads
Why Connection Matters
Connection influences how adolescents interpret and respond to life’s challenges. A young person who feels supported and valued may view a negative social interaction as a temporary setback. In contrast, a young person who already feels isolated may interpret the same experience as evidence that they do not fit in or that they are fundamentally different from others. This distinction matters.
Adolescents who feel connected to others tend to show greater resilience, stronger emotional adjustment, and better overall well-being. They are more likely to seek support during difficult times and less likely to face challenges alone. In other words, connection does not eliminate adversity, but it can change how adversity is experienced.
Building Connection Through Everyday Moments
The encouraging news is that connection is often built through ordinary interactions rather than extraordinary interventions.
A teacher who remembers a student’s name.
A classmate who invites someone to join a group.
A coach who notices when a player seems withdrawn.
A parent who listens without immediately trying to solve the problem.
These seemingly small actions communicate something powerful:
“You matter.”
Over time, repeated experiences of acceptance and inclusion help adolescents develop confidence in their relationships and strengthen their connection to the people and communities around them.
A Question Worth Asking
As adults, we often focus on whether adolescents are succeeding academically, behaving appropriately, or staying safe online. These are important concerns. But our findings suggest there may be another question worth asking: Do they feel connected?
The answer may tell us more about their well-being than we realize.
