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“Man is condemned to be free.” –Jean-Paul Sartre
We spend our lives chasing freedom. As kids, the countdown until summer break starts in April, waiting in blissful impatience for the days when we can wake at noon, stretch toward the sky, and do whatever we want—no alarm clock dictating our lives. Later, it’s the longing for graduation, the weekend, retirement: Independence and self-determination shine as our ultimate prize.
Yet when the ankle weight of responsibility is removed, many of us freeze. The vastness of possibility can feel like an impossible mountain to climb. We have the whole summer to renovate a living room, yet we can’t get past buying the paintbrushes, which sit unwrapped in the foyer, staring at us in intimidation. Freedom and autonomy—the very things we crave—start to mock us, whispering, So you thought you could do this yourself?
Freedom is romanticized in history, politics, and personal growth. We fight for it, legislate it, leap for joy when it lands in our lap. But without rules, maps, or expectations, the responsibility of taking the next step feels overwhelming—like stepping off a cliff into unknown territory.
The Burden of Choice
Psychologist Barry Schwartz (2004) notes that an abundance of options can actually reduce our happiness in a concept called the paradox of choice. Similarly, Misuraca et al. (2024) found that “choice overload” is when people risk being weighed down by too many options. Tackling questions like Which career should I choose? and Where should I live? can feel heavy, like carrying around a backpack of rocks when every option seems important, and your mind floods with “what-ifs.” If you pick the wrong direction, your life can take an undesirable turn, leaving you frozen from fear of being wrong. It’s like standing at a busy street corner in a new town—you know every road goes somewhere, but you have no idea which one to take. Freedom can be thrilling, but it can also feel overwhelming and confusing.
Why Structure Can Offer Sustenance
Humans naturally look for patterns. We feel safer when we can predict what comes next, and that sense of order helps us make sense of the world. We know that Tuesday follows Monday, and precedes Wednesday, and this helps us go about our weekly endeavors. Routines and rituals both reflect and rely on structure, which means that structure isn’t a prison sentence after all, but that which gives shape to freedom.
We often resent containment, yet it grounds us—especially for children in their formative years. Knowing the boundaries—the dimensions of the walls, the ceiling, and the floor—gives us tangible insight into how to navigate space. Boundaries are our guides, showing us how we move, where we pause, and when to ask questions like: Do we open this door and walk through, or is it better to stay closed? Boundaries are not restrictive; rather, they serve as a nightlight, helping us avoid padding around in a dark, empty room or feeling like we’re drifting in an infinite, shapeless space. Instead of seeing boundaries as obstacles, we can treat them as partners.
How to Move Forward in the Lush Land of Choice
Kierkegaard talked about “the dizziness of freedom,” or the vertigo we feel when confronted with the enormity of our choices. That dizzying feeling can suspend our motion, our feet sunk in concrete, stuck between possibility and paralysis. To move forward, we must tolerate uncertainty. Below are steps we can take when we feel the burden and responsibility of freedom:
- Map out your goals; don’t erase them. Instead of trying to eliminate obstacles or create a perfect path, get to know the “walls” around you—your limits, responsibilities, and external constraints. Observe them, test them, and experiment within them. Understanding the edges of your world allows you to move intentionally without panic.
- Learn the language of hesitation. Freedom carries weight because every choice has consequence. Hesitation is not failure—it’s a signal. Pause, reflect, and recalibrate your inner compass. Our hesitation is often just asking, Where do you truly want to go?
- Start with small freedoms. Micro-choices—rearranging a room, crafting a morning ritual, planning a weekend—are low-stakes but meaningful. They give you authorship, training your mind to inhabit freedom confidently and preparing you for larger, more intimidating possibilities.
- Focus on values, not outcomes. Uncharted freedom can feel like drifting. Instead of chasing success or perfection, tether choices to curiosity, connection, creativity, and courage. Accept “good enough” decisions—perfection is the nemesis of progress. When choices align with your values, even “wrong turns” become lessons, not regrets.
- Revel in mystery. Life is filled with questions that may never have answers and gray areas that resist neat labels. Even something as familiar as gravity—what keeps our feet on the ground—still holds mysteries. Scientists have theories about how and why it works, but not all questions have answers. That uncertainty is part of what makes life fascinating. When we look for firm footing and can’t find it, curiosity and wonder can take its place.
The Ongoing Dance of Freedom
Freedom is an idealistic concept that gets scarier and messier as it inches closer in our lives—it’s a thorn-riddled rose that is sweet-smelling, beautiful, and will prick us if we’re not careful. The paradox of freedom is that we aren’t truly set free by freedom itself, but by learning to navigate its limits, embrace its challenges, and make it our own.
