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Watching holiday films at our home is much like an endurance sport. While there is a strict “not before Thanksgiving rule,” once the stuffing has been put away, it’s no holds barred. We often print out the annual Hallmark checklist calendar and dutifully mark off each film as we watch. Over the years, however, our zeal has lessened as the roulette of the same storyline repeated does in fact become mildly mind-numbing.
At the recommendation of a journalist who ranked this year’s Christmas Above the Clouds as a favorite, we watched this retelling of the famous Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future made their appearances as we struggled with just how unlikeable protagonist Ella Neezer (a gender-swapped riff on Dickens’ Ebenezer Scrooge) was during the film. While these films typically have viewers rooting for the cantankerous protagonist by the end, in the case of this film, it felt she did not really deserve her college love and ex-fiancé, who she effectively dumped in favor of the corporate world.
Giving the “ghosts of exes past” trope another shot, I also watched Christmas Cupid from many years ago to see what exactly sat so uncomfortably with this storyline. Given that it featured a younger Chad Michael Murray, I figured this would make the story perhaps more bearable. But alas, the idea that a female lead can go through decades of growing into a power-hungry, selfish individual and then suddenly see the light and change years of personality patterns in an instant would certainly take more than a Christmas miracle to occur.
More troublesome, however, is the idea that exes are forever waiting in the wings. These highly eligible, attractive men with huge hearts are left by women who value position, prestige, and other worldly goods more than quality partners in their lives. They go on to wreak havoc in the lives of those close to them and reunite with their old flames without any consequences. Research on adult attachment suggests that securely attached individuals grieve relationship loss but continue forming new bonds, whereas prolonged romantic waiting is more often associated with unresolved or anxious attachment patterns.
In reality, highly eligible partners move on, attract others who value and see their worth, and certainly aren’t sitting around single for nearly a decade. In psychotherapy, I have seen my fair share of clients who struggle with moving on, but they eventually do. While it is perfectly natural to think of exes, or what life could have been like, the reality is that in life, both partners grew, and likely in very different directions.
It is true what they say about timing being everything in life. The same goes for relationships. The person who may have been “the one” five years ago is very likely a different person than the one who exists today. A lot of life happens in weeks, months, and years. In fact, if not, that’s a pretty big red flag. It indicates one did not grow, stretch themselves, or face life challenges that make us resilient beings. Psychological research on adult development shows that personality, values, and relational needs continue to evolve across adulthood, making romantic timing a key component of compatibility rather than a trivial obstacle.
Ultimately, the problem with “Ghosts of Christmas Past” stories is the false promise that love exists in emotional stasis. These films suggest that amazing, emotionally available partners simply wait, unchanged, until the protagonist is ready to return. In reality, healthy people grow, adapt, form new attachments, and move on. Timing matters because people do not remain frozen in time. While holiday reunion stories offer comfort, they teach a toxic lesson: that missed timing is inconsequential and that love, once offered, should be indefinitely preserved. In real adult relationships, however, love isn’t proven by waiting forever—it’s shaped by mutual readiness, shared growth, and the courage to move on when life pulls us in different directions.
