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“Maybe is the beginning of all journeys.” — Anonymous
We’ve often been told we need to be confident, strong, and bold in our decisions—to say “yes” or “no” quickly and decisively. But what if we’re not sure?
Perhaps a “protector part” inside us shouts, “Be decisive; don’t appear weak.” But when a friend asks us for a favor, or our partner suggests a dinner party or trip to the in-laws, we don’t have to decide on the spot. There’s no shame in sitting with it—there’s often much to consider.
The Power of Pausing
Imagine your partner asks you to join them for Thanksgiving with their family—again. You notice an immediate shudder as you remember how disengaged you felt last year. Not because they’re bad people, but it just wasn’t satisfying for you. Maybe you even promised yourself you wouldn’t do that again.
What if you didn’t cave to pressure—internal or external—to answer right away? There may be a part that wants to protect you from another dull holiday. And another part that wants to please your partner or avoid conflict.
Enter the power of pausing. What if you don’t need to decide right away? Adding ‘maybe’ to our vocabulary bestows greater freedom.
Can you honor yourself by asserting a gentle maybe, which creates space to explore the various parts of you? Your “maybe” can serve as a compassionate placeholder—giving you time for clarity to emerge.
Examples of the Power of Maybe
Request from a friend: Can you drive me to the airport next Saturday?
Maybe Response: I appreciate your asking and would like to help, but let me sit with that. I need to check with my partner if we have any plans.
Request from your partner: “My parents invited us for Thanksgiving. Sounds good?
Maybe Response: Hmmm. I’m having mixed feelings. A part of me wants to make you happy, but another part of me was hoping we could do something different this year. Can we talk about it?
Request at work: There’s a project we’d like your input on. Would you join our team?
Maybe Response: I’d love to help, but I’m up to my eyeballs with another project right now. Can I get back to you on that? I’ll see if I can shift some things around.
The Empowerment of Buying Time
Taking time to sense into what feels right, reasonable, and comfortable for you often takes some time. It doesn’t help anyone to offer a quick “yes,” when you might later be resentful, and be annoyed with yourself for rushing to please—trying to be supportive to avoid the shame of appearing wishy-washy.
Things to Remember Before Responding
- You always have the right to say no.
- In your attempt to be kind to others, are you being unkind to yourself?
- It’s OK to have limits. You can learn to set them in a kind and caring way.
- If you feel pressure to respond quickly, is that coming from them or from yourself?
- Giving yourself ample permission to pause as you consider how you feel isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom.
- You can learn to balance responsiveness to others with taking care of yourself.
- Resentment and distance can quietly grow from being overly accommodating.
Finding the Right Balance
A key to harmonious relationships and a happy life is finding a balance between caring for others and caring for ourselves. As Rabbi Hillel taught: “If I’m not for myself, who will be for me?” We need to take responsibility for our own lives and not feel like a victim, which can happen when we overly accommodate others and neglect ourselves.
But lest we become righteously self-absorbed, Hillel quickly added, “But if I am only for myself, what am I?” Perhaps Rabbi Hillel saw caring as an ethical obligation. But actually, making others happy (when it doesn’t hurt us) can augment our own happiness. As the Dalai Lama put it: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
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As meditation teacher and psychologist Jack Kornfield reminds us: “If our compassion does not include ourselves, it is incomplete.”
Compassion for Our Limits
Embracing “maybe” is a way to have compassion for our limits. It allows us time to pause, breathe, and gently sense how we want to proceed—balancing self-care with kindness.
If a situation demands a quick response, we can do our best. But in many instances, rushing isn’t required. By pausing, dropping down into our body, and focusing on what feels “right,” we can stay true to ourselves while honoring those we care about. Life flows more easily as we embrace the quiet power of maybe—with compassion for ourselves and kindness toward others.
© John Amodeo
