970x125
In the last year, we have witnessed an increase in misogynistic attacks in the media and social media. Misogyny, defined as the hatred of women, embodies a strong degradation of women that shows up in hostile sexism and intimate partner abuse. As therapists, it seems essential, perhaps more than ever, that we need to pay attention to the current impact of misogyny on our female and male clients. At the same time, we need also to pay attention how as therapists we might hold misogynist beliefs that can interfere with intervening.
Misogyny Rises
In December 2024, PBS reported that researchers saw a “stunning surge in misogyny.” The report showed a 4600% increase in the terms, “Your body, my choice” and “Get back in the kitchen” on various social media platforms.
The misogynistic rhetoric first showed up online. Eventually, it could place women at risk for domestic violence, psychological and coercive abuse, harassment, threats of rape, and sexual assault.
Many ideas circulate about “why” this happened but one that seems central is the outdated traditional concept of manhood. Social expectations have been changing. Masculinity has been defined, in part, as being dominant and in control. Women made significant gains with societal support, and men were experiencing more isolation without their own clear paths forward to help navigate these changes. In the end, women became at risk of being blamed.
In Therapy, No Place for Neutrality
Although women can be abusive partners, research shows the vast majority of intimate violence is caused by men. In a patriarchy, boys and men learn by way of male identity and social norms to assume power and control, even as an intimate partner. At the same time, these set gender roles have serious psychological consequences.
The American Psychological Association has recognized the mental health risks of rigid gender roles in a report on men and boys, raising alarm that socializing boys to suppress their emotions while promoting dominance, competitiveness, aggression, and stoicism can be psychologically harmful (Pappas, 2019). At the same time, these qualities undermine men’s ability to have healthy relationships.
In couples’ treatment, too often I hear from clients with coercive partners about their efforts to speak truthfully about their experience to get help, only to have it dismissed when their partner denies and blames. In these cases, when the therapist remains silent, the men are left with their own beliefs of manhood unchallenged, and the couple remains stuck.
Judy Herman, in Trauma and Recovery, argues that we cannot remain neutral in therapy when we face trauma in our clients. If we remain silent, we can be experienced as siding with the abuser.
When the therapist courageously takes what is implicit and makes it explicit, then both men and women are helped and, perhaps, men can find a path forward.
©Lambert.
