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“Enlightenment.” “Awakening.” The words can be used interchangeably to mean a permanent shift in how the brain operates. It is not a single or even repeated experience, as might happen out in nature or on psychedelics. Such experiences can be amazing, such as feeling one with everything, and they can permanently change attitudes. But this is a permanent change in the whole brain. With it, when “bad things” happen, you feel a strange, real equanimity. You think less, especially about yourself— “you” just somehow are not so important anymore. You feel less self-conscious. You have fewer desires. You still care about things and probably will spontaneously do what you can, or more, to change the world. But you feel a deep calm inside. That’s enlightenment.
What’s your reaction? “I really want that.” Or “I doubt there’s any such thing.” Or deep down, the thought, “That could never happen to me.”
I try to imagine how people will experience my book’s title, or rather the subtitle: An Objective View of Meditation Methods and Enlightenment (after they get past the relatively uninformative main title, Spirituality through a Highly Sensitive Lens). I guess I imagine that word “enlightenment” is going to be a bit of an obstacle. But I knew that when I wrote the book. As with my work on highly sensitive persons, when it first came out, it was met with considerable skepticism.
The reasons for skepticism here are very different, though. There’s the number of “enlightened” spiritual teachers who have behaved badly. There are our projections onto the term, imagining it is a state of perfection, more or less an archetype. You may not want to identify with an archetype (e.g., Hero, Great Mother, Perfect Wise Person). It inevitably leads to inflation. Those objections I can handle, and do in the book. But beneath all that, the one that worries me is that underlying, unconscious thought, “This book isn’t for me—I could never become enlightened.”
Low Self-Esteem as a Western Problem—Ask the Dalai Lama
Dan Brown, a Harvard professor specializing in attachment trauma, also taught Tibetan Buddhism to hundreds of students. He was shocked to see how many of his Western students suffered from low self-esteem due to their childhoods. They felt they could not meditate. “I’m just not good at this.” “I can’t stop my monkey mind.” They were even more certain they could never become awakened.
Low self-esteem seems to be a problem mainly in the West. When a group of psychologists and meditation teachers were meeting with the Dalai Lama, one asked how she might help her students with their chronic low self-esteem. The Dalai Lama was astonished once he understood the question—the translator had to struggle because there is no word for low self-esteem in Tibetan.
Of course, if low self-confidence can stop a person from pursuing awakening, it may also act as the strongest reason to pursue it, all the way to the goal. Surely to be awakened might seem like the ultimate way to feel permanently self-confident. But any Buddhist would call that motivation a colossal hindrance.
Seeing Your Self-Esteem Issues
There are many reasons why so many of us in the West have self-esteem issues. Self-comparison, or ranking, as I call it, is deep in our competitive culture, at work and play. Who’s best? Who’s trying hardest? Are you doing your best? And it is right in the family if a person develops an insecure attachment style—you are inevitably worried about your importance to your parents. (Indeed, I wrote an entire book on ranking, linking, and low self-esteem, and what to do about it: The Undervalued Self.) All I want to do here is suggest you look carefully at how your self-esteem issues might play into your attitude towards awakening or enlightenment, because ironically, those most plagued by ranking also tend to be depressed and anxious, and therefore are the ones who would most benefit from this form of constant, background inner peace. Yes, you should work on issues like depression and low self-esteem in other ways, but they need not stand in the way of awakening unless they stop you from even considering it.
What You Are Aiming For
Some people awaken spontaneously, even suddenly. Maybe you have read Eckart Tolle’s The Power of Now, which begins with his sudden awakening after a deep depression. But most people use some methods, and some methods may be faster than others. We are still learning about that. Usually, the method is a daily meditation practice. (My book reviews the types so you can pick the one that seems to suit you, because I find that most people have no idea how much meditation methods differ and that the effects of each are different on the brain.) Daily practice usually needs the boost of some longer opportunities, like weekend retreats, and some wise teachers to clarify experiences and get you back on track if you stray. But again, this is not about personal skill; it’s just about having the right opportunities. This is important. You don’t usually just start a practice and bingo, get there. It takes time.
“There.” To put it very simply, you can divide life into the relative, all the stuff we see and do, all the elements that life can be divided into, and then there is the absolute, the unchanging. You have no doubt felt that unbounded, unmoving, deeply “silent” (even in a noisy place) aspect of life, hopefully sometimes in meditation. It’s hard to describe, yet I suspect you have tasted it. The trick is to keep that brain state going outside of meditation, with eyes open, simultaneous with everything else. It will be more in the background when working on something, but always there, and in the foreground when relaxed or when you need it.
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Still, Maybe It Is Not for Everyone
Still, I do not mean that everyone should make awakening or enlightenment a priority — and then feel bad about themselves if they do not! I will say it again: This is not about being good enough. I really consider it a personal choice. Some people just hear the word “enlightenment” and want that. Others do not. Or not yet. But I think everyone ought to at least know what this state is before deciding.
I am also not saying, alas, that everyone who wants that shift will get it easily. It can take years, although that is changing. People are getting there sooner. But I have not seen that being related to personal ability or deserving it. I think desire really helps. Other than that, I think we in the West are still learning about the state, and things will speed up soon. But when you are using the practice that is right for you, everything along the way gets better too, so no real time is lost. There’s more equanimity, more peace, more patience, and love for the world and others. You can get started any time, and I believe you can get there. This is NOT about an ability, innate or learned. You can do it. And you deserve it. Read that last line again!
