970x125
A better life means different things to different people. For one person, a better life might mean better relationships, better emotional well-being, or better physical health. For another, the same idea may instead conjure a desire for better finances or a better work-life balance. Despite these different visions, however, there is a unifying quality about a better life that most of us share: we all want one.
Let’s talk about two specific strategies for helping you achieve a better life. These two strategies are 1) more motivation and 2) less friction. Although the first of these strategies receives the lion’s share of attention, the latter strategy is frequently more effective. And the good news is you can combine both strategies to synergize your results.
1. More motivation, and why all motivation isn’t created equal
Motivation is essential, not only to achieving our personal goals but even to our basic survival. Although it has become popular recently for online personalities to criticize motivation, without a healthy biological motivation system (e.g., damage to the brain’s mesolimbic dopamine pathway, including the prefrontal cortex (PFC), anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), and ventral striatum), humans and other animals stop moving, stop feeling, stop mating, and even stop eating.1-2 Imagine your life in that dysfunctional state the next time an “expert” tells you that motivation is overrated.
But what the motivation critics get right is that we rely far too much on external and short-term motivators. As an analogy, compare motivation to foods of varying nutritional quality. Relying on short-term and external motivators is akin to eating junk food. Both junk food and “junk motivation” feel good in the moment and might even energize for a while, yet lack the nutrients to sustain progress.
Instead of “junk motivation,” we need “real motivation.” This type of motivation results from motivators that are deeply personal, sourced from an individual’s cardinal values, core relationships, major life roles, and cherished long-term goals. How do we find them?
The figure above shows an example of how professionals such as myself help people connect with their “real motivation” sources. Notice how these six questions—intended to be discussed and explored over the course of a conversation, or written down through a personal development exercise—explore complementary ways of tapping into what a 1) person most values; 2) their wants, fears, and reasons for urgency; and 3) their perceived identity as an individual. No single motivation question is best. They instead represent a type of “Gestalt,” where the whole of this motivation question exercise is greater than the sum of its parts.
2. Less friction: How to grease the progress wheel
At a basic level, friction is the opposite of motivation. Motivation works much like biological gasoline, it provides energy and makes it easier for us to move forward. Friction is more like gravity. It weighs us down and makes it harder to move forward. When it comes to achieving a better life, low friction is equivalent to driving on a paved road on a sunny day. High friction feels more like walking a dirt road in the rain. And in extreme friction conditions, it can even feel like you’re hacking through the Amazon jungle with a machete.
Whereas most people think that progress results from having enough motivation or willpower to push through friction, sustaining our results requires that we also smooth the path (i.e., reduce friction). Simply stated, the more friction we have, the more motivation is required. This dynamic explains why many people begin their goals successfully when motivation is at its peak, but quickly regress. When friction makes every healthy choice feel like an uphill climb, regression and relapse become almost inevitable.3-4
What friction and motivation have in common, however, is that both are highly individual. Friction comes in many forms: emotional, social, environmental, and physical. Although we all have them, friction sources and severity vary from person to person. Let’s look at some examples of each friction type to compare low and high friction scenarios. As we do, consider for yourself what are your personal friction sources impeding progress to a better life.
Emotional friction
- High friction: Stress, rigid rules, perfectionism, procrastination, unclear goals and long-term motivators, time pressure, mental health symptoms, doing things you don’t like (e.g., doing exercise you hate because it burns more calories).
- Low friction: Clear goals with flexible methods for achieving them, personally effective stress management resources, good sleep, nutrition, and lots of physical movement, never miss twice attitude, pursue goals in ways that optimize their enjoyment and convenience.
Motivation Essential Reads
Social friction
- High friction: Toxic relationships, negative social influences, excess social media, difficulties setting boundaries with others, consistently putting other people’s needs first
- Low friction: Supportive relationships, family and friends who share your goals/activities, relationship quality>quantity, strong self-image that allows you to resist peer pressure and negative influences. Knowing who you are and what values you stand for.
Environment friction
- High friction: Tempting foods; audio alarms on email and text messages, social media and smartphones, messy or disorganized environments, uncomfortable temperatures and weather.
- Low friction: Goal reminders, convenient options for exercise and nutritious foods, activity trackers and AI tools, environments that “nudge” goal-directed choices, calmness, and focus through style, decor, and intentional design.
Physical friction
- High friction: Low energy levels, poor sleep, commuting to gyms, chronic pain and other impairing health conditions.
- Low friction: Regular sleep habits, early morning sunshine, flexible exercise options, single ingredient food-focused nutrition, quality in-person time with others.
Conclusion
In the quest for a better life, we probably don’t need more motivation. We instead need better motivation (the kind that lasts) and a smoother path between our present status and our future goals. Better living is a lifelong journey. Combining long-term motivators with strategies for reducing friction can help you transform this journey from a Sisyphean climb to a sight-seeing adventure.
