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The following by John Steinbeck supports a well-lived life. “Greatness lies in the one who triumphs equally over defeat and victory.” Steinbeck is encouraging us to risk fully participating in life, with both defeat and victory being inevitable. It means living life on life’s terms, doing what we can to minimize being defeated by either defeat or victory. Let’s look more closely at what it means to be defeated by defeat.
Defeated by Defeat
If we’re not feeling victorious, then we’re not only feeling defeated but also defeated by the defeat. That means we might be feeling like a failure, slipping into self-contempt and self-doubt. When these energies are activated, it can be difficult to appreciate our efforts and our best intentions. We’re simply the person who messed up. We may become excessively cautious and fearful about future undertakings. Or, we might compensate by taking on quixotic tasks with little or no hope for success.
Triumphing Over Defeat
Let’s look at how we can triumph over defeat.
- Heighten your acceptance of defeat as a natural expression of the human condition.
- Acknowledge your defeat as a reflection of your willingness to fully participate in life.
- In retrospect, assess how much control you actually possessed in order to avoid defeat.
- How effective was your assessment of the level of risk involved as you approached the project?
- If someone was injuriously impacted by your defeat, consider making restitution.
- Talk to someone whom you trust about your defeat.
- Take the necessary steps to forgive yourself.
Defeated by Victory
The problems with being defeated by victory are considerably more hidden and subtle. Even the language sounds and feels strange: “defeated by victory.” Allegedly, victory doesn’t defeat us; it only benefits or offers some advantage. However, one consequence of being victorious is that we can be challenged to value ourselves when we are not. Another form of defeat is getting caught up in the obsession of having to constantly be more impressively victorious than the last time. Such an infatuation can have us becoming myopic, unable to see and respond to the rest of life.
Our humanity is defeated when we begin to view our victories as who we are, forgetting about the rest of our lives, our families, and friends. Our aggrandized identity can remove us from what we love and need, denying where vulnerability lives in us. Another unfortunate consequence when we are defeated by victory is an emerging entitlement that blurs our vision of the needs and aspirations of others.
Triumph Over Victory
- Understand the consequences of not triumphing over victory.
- Be grateful for all the support you’ve received, making this victory possible. The gratitude can extend beyond your contemporaries to teachers, mentors, friends, and family members along the way.
- Be curious about how your victory will strengthen your capacity to serve.
- Let go of any attachment to arrive at some elevated posture of greatness.
- Allow the victory to be something you did and not who you are.
- Talk to someone whom you trust about the lure to allow the victory to define you.
The slightest instability of our self-esteem can have us diminishing ourselves when defeated and elevating ourselves when victorious. Our psychological task is to bring ourselves back to the soundness of our ordinary humanity. It is there we take the bite out of defeat, and victory loses its glittering glow.
