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What do you say when a colleague loses a loved one? Or when tragedy strikes your team? Many leaders want to help but freeze in the moment. Silence, however well-intentioned, often deepens the pain and leaves employees feeling unseen.
Grief isn’t left at the office door. It travels with people, affecting focus, sleep, and motivation. Studies estimate unresolved grief costs billions annually in absenteeism, turnover, and lost productivity. But the impact isn’t just financial—it’s also cultural. Unacknowledged grief erodes trust, while compassionate leadership builds resilience and connection.
What Trauma Can Look Like at Work
Drawing from clinical criteria for trauma-related disorders, trauma at work can look like the following:
- Hyperarousal: Irritability, angry outbursts, sleep disturbance.
- Avoidance: Skipping meetings, withdrawing from reminders of the loss.
- Mood shifts: Loss of interest, detachment, persistent sadness.
- Intrusive reactions: Strong responses to cues that resemble the loss (anniversaries, places, tasks).
Leaders sometimes misinterpret these as laziness or disengagement. In reality, they are common grief responses.
The Three Roles of a Leader in Loss
- Communicator: Be clear and timely. Silence creates confusion. Share updates with sensitivity.
- Companion: Acknowledge pain directly. A simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” goes further than clichés.
- Coordinator: Provide structure—connect people to counseling, adjust workloads, and create optional rituals for closure (a moment of silence, a card, or a memorial wall).
What to Say (and What Not to Say)
Many leaders default to: “Let me know if you need anything.”
While well-intentioned, this phrase puts the onus on the grieving person—who may lack the energy, clarity, or confidence to ask for help. Research on bereavement support shows that the quality and specificity of support matters. Vague offers are often perceived as unhelpful or absent, while concrete actions can strengthen well-being.
Instead, try specific offers of help:
- “Can I bring dinner over on Tuesday?”
- “Would you like me to cover your client calls this week?”
- “Can I check in each morning, or would you prefer space?”
This small shift communicates both care and initiative. It reduces the cognitive load on the grieving person and makes it easier for them to simply say yes or no.
A Leader’s Toolbox: The First 72 Hours
- Check in personally. Don’t delegate this.
- Offer flexibility. Adjust schedules, allow remote work, redistribute tasks.
- Name available resources. Counseling, peer support, or HR guidance.
- Be consistent. Follow through on whatever you offer—small acts of reliability matter.
Consider these two responses:
- Poor response: A company faced sudden layoffs but said nothing. Employees were left guessing. Trust eroded overnight.
- Stronger response: A nonprofit leader named the loss directly, offered counseling, and held an optional remembrance. Paradoxically, the team grew closer.
Closing
Loss isn’t a distraction from work—it’s part of being human together. Leaders who step into grief with clarity, compassion, and concrete offers of help don’t just comfort their teams, they strengthen them. When leaders hold space for loss, they also hold space for renewal.
