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We’re getting it straight from the source.
Hoda Kotb is sharing the “epiphany” that led her to end her seven year relationship with ex-fiancé Joel Schiffman.
The journalist, 61, wrote about why she broke up with the financier, 67, in her new memoir “Jump and Find Joy,” out now.
In an excerpt given to Today.com, Kotb recalled attending a week-long retreat at the Hoffman Institute, which works to help people “make significant positive changes” in their lives.
After the experience, the former anchor felt like “everything had shifted,” including her romantic partnership.
“Our ‘us’ felt different,” Kotb penned.
In the excerpt, the media personality said she stood in front of the Hoffman Institute leaders and her fellow participants to share why she was there.
“I knew I could say that I wanted to better myself or something vague like that. But when I looked around at all the people who’d shared their raw truth, I felt so moved by their honesty,” Kotb continued. “They deserved the same from me. So, I said it. I told the truth about why I had come. ‘I am a total phony in my relationships,’ I said. ‘I’m a pretender.’”
Kotb announced the end of her engagement while on “Today” in 2022.
Now, the pair remain friends and co-parents to daughters Haley, 8, and Hope, 6.
In an interview with Today.com, Kotb revealed what she meant by “pretender.”
She told the outlet, “I think sometimes you know that a relationship is — I would say good — but you think to yourself it’s not deepening.”
“So,” Kotb detailed, “you continue along [in] the relationship, and I think the truth of the matter is sometimes you have to say to yourself, like, ‘I feel like I’m an optimist.’ And so, when you’re an optimist, you want to make things work, and sometimes, things don’t.”
However, for the mom-of-two, making that admission was “one of the best ten-second decisions” of her life.
“I loved Joel then, and I love Joel now,” the author gushed. “I just had to remind myself that it was a different kind of love.”
“You can still love and admire someone and not want to be in a relationship, a long-term relationship that way, personal relationship,” said Kotb.
It was “just was an epiphany for me, and it took courage for me to say it. And when I did, I felt like, ‘OK, there it is.’ ”
These days, Kotb feels secure with where she and Schiffman stand.
“I think we’ve always been connected and will always be connected for many reasons,” she expressed. “We will co-parent in a beautiful way, but I also think our ‘us’ is more of a, like, we’re dear friends now. And that’s beautiful, and it’s enjoyable and it feels right.”
Noted Kotb: “We were laughing the other day just in hysterics, and I feel like this is the right relationship for us to have.”
Now, the television star is actively looking for love again.
As she told Today.com, she is “longing for a soul connection.”
Kotb is “convinced” that there is “someone meant for me out there.”
“I have no doubt in my mind that that exists and that person is out there.”
Kotb and Schiffman got engaged in 2019, two years after they adopted their daughter Haley in 2017. The exes then adopted Hope in 2019.
While announcing the breakup on air, Kotb told viewers: “We decided that we’re better as friends and parents than we are as an engaged couple, so we decided we are going to start this new year … on our new path as loving parents to our adorable, delightful children, and as friends.”
Another big change for Kotb was stepping away from “Today” in January after seven years as a co-anchor and almost 30 years at NBC News.
She made the decision in order to spend more time with her daughters.
“As I write this, my heart is all over the map,” wrote Kotb in a letter to her colleagues. “I know I’m making the right decision, but it’s a painful one. And you all are the reason why. They say two things can be right at the same time, and I’m feeling that so deeply right now. I love you and it’s time for me to leave the show.”
