970x125
There are some places known to be really hard to get out of, like the Alcatraz Federal Penitentiary, referred to as “The Rock”; the Sahara Desert; the Moon; and, of course, the “Friend Zone.” For the first three, there are at least obvious solutions for escaping, like that John Patrick Mason character played by Sean Connery, a hot air balloon, and a spacecraft. However, getting out of the Friend Zone—where the person you are romantically interested in has already deemed you to be only-friend material rather than significant-other material—can seem near impossible. But fear not, adventurer; there are steps you can take to get out of the Friend Zone. There’s no guarantee, though, as to which direction out you’ll be going.
Step 1: Determine if You Are Even in the Friend Zone
First things first, check whether you have actually been Friend Zoned. The other person could think that you’re the one doing the Friend Zoning. Or perhaps he or she is still sorting out feelings for you. Therefore, if you want the possibility of a romantic relationship, be frank, ask, and see the response. The answer will be very telling. If it’s something like “I wouldn’t want to risk our friendship,” “I see you more as a friend,” “Heck, no,” or simply “Ick,” then you know the deal.
Step 2: Determine How You Even Got Into the Friend Zone
To know your way out of anywhere, it’s best to know how you got there in the first place. This can help identify whether it’s even worth pursuing a romantic relationship. For example, if you got there because the other person is already in a romantic relationship with someone else, especially a solid one, then do you really want to be that guy or that gal who breaks up a relationship? You know, the home wrecker? Plus, what goes around can come around. If that person essentially cheats on his or her significant other with you, how loyal might he or she end up being with you?
A second no-go situation is when the other person clearly expresses a preference that you cannot provide. For example, if the other person says something like, “I just don’t find Asian Americans attractive,” and that happens to be your racial background, then you may be fighting against an insurmountable bias. The same may apply if that person wants someone richer, higher society, or bigger breasted than you. It may be too much to contort yourself into something that you are not just for the hopes of being accepted. Instead, look for someone else who will appreciate you for who you are.
If, on the other hand, you landed in the Friend Zone because you behaved in some way that’s not really you, then there is some hope. Common examples include:
- Being too amenable and agreeable: Does he or she assume that your answer to anything will always be “Yes”?
- Being too available: Does he or she view you as some kind of 24-hour customer service hotline?
- Putting the other person on a pedestal: Does he or she feel like some kind of king or queen around you, and see you as the plebeian?
- Subverting your interests and needs: Does he or she even know or care what you want?
- Being too passive or afraid: In that person’s eyes, are you a man or a mouse? A female or a piece of mail?
Step 3: Reverse the Behavior That Put You in the Friend Zone
The next thing to do is to stop it. Just stop it. Stop exhibiting the behavior that got you Friend Zoned because, news flash, it’s not working romantically. Do it now.
Step 4: Change Your Mindset About the Other Person and Dating
And change your mindset so that you don’t view the other person as someone you have to win over or convince to love you. Instead, dating is about finding the right mutual fit for each other. That includes determining whether the other person will treat you as you deserve. Just because he or she has that hot body doesn’t mean that the person has the right personality and values for you that will make you stronger, not weaker. When you adopt more of a “Let’s see if we actually are a good fit for each other” mindset, you may find yourself automatically shedding the behaviors that led you into the Friend Zone and displaying a whole lot more confidence, which can be more attractive.
Step 5: Stop Focusing on the Person and Build Up the Rest of Your Life
At the same time, stop treating the person as the Sun and yourself as some kind of gaseous planet like Uranus revolving around him or her. View your time as valuable and not to be wasted focusing on someone who doesn’t value you to the same degree. Instead, shift much more of your time to building your other relationships, work abilities, interests, and hobbies, and thus, more opportunities for yourself. This includes finding other people to date. The stronger you are, the more attractive you will become in general.
Also, consider stepping away from this friendship for at least a while. Being caught in the Friend Zone could cause you to zone out and forget your value and what you want, what you really, really want. Creating some distance could help not only you think more clearly but the other person as well. Who knows? Maybe he or she may stop taking you for granted.
Plus, be honest with yourself. Would you maintain this kind of “friendship” with someone if you were not attracted romantically to him or her? Or are you simply staying friends in the hopes that you will somehow someday get in there, like waiting in line for an amusement park ride? If it’s the latter, consider the other way of getting out of the Friend Zone—namely, severing your friendship.
Life is too short to be spent waiting in some kind of line when you are not even sure if the ride will ever be open. So, your leaving the line could be a big time and effort saver. It may even prompt the ride to suddenly open. But don’t count on it. Going from the Friend Zone to the Romantic Zone may not be possible in this situation. But going from the Friend Zone to the Free Zone is something totally within your control.
