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When we talk about childhood trauma, we often assume it’s something fixed—a set of experiences that happened long ago and permanently shaped who we are. Research on adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) reinforces this idea by linking early adversity to long-term mental, physical, and relational outcomes.1,2
But what if how we remember childhood trauma isn’t entirely fixed? What if our adult relationships play a role in shaping those memories?
A recent study published in Child Abuse & Neglect explores exactly this question, suggesting that our present relationships may influence how we recall our past.1
Researchers from Michigan State University examined whether adults’ reports of ACEs remain stable over time or fluctuate in response to current life circumstances. Although ACEs are typically treated in mental health and medical settings as fixed indicators of early adversity, the authors argue that remembering childhood experiences is actually a reconstructive process that can be shaped by present social and emotional contexts.
What the researchers found
On one hand, reports of childhood trauma were largely stable—people didn’t radically change their stories from month to month. However, the researchers found meaningful variation among the reports, which was telling.
When participants experienced greater-than-usual support from their parents (including periods of lower-than-usual relationship strain in the family), they reported fewer childhood adversities, especially emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect.
Interestingly enough, these results were most significant with parental relationships; support from friends and romantic partners mattered, too, but the effects were more modest. This suggests that relationships most closely tied to early caregiving continue to shape how childhood experiences are remembered in adulthood. For therapists such as myself who specialize in working with survivors of traumatic and abusive families, these findings highlight how present-day relational safety may shape how clients understand and narrate their past. In short, when current relationships feel safer and more supportive, memories of childhood adversity tend to feel less severe.
What this means for healing
This study highlights something that may provide support for many survivors of early trauma: Memory is reconstructive. Our trauma history is real and cannot be erased. But, supportive relationships in adulthood, especially with family and caregivers, can help how we interpret and remember these experiences.
I spoke with William Chopik, one of the authors of the study. He said:
“In our study, we found that how well a person’s current relationships were going helped in shaping people’s memories of their early childhood. When these relationships were going well, it softened people’s memories of the past. When they were going poorly, it exacerbated or brought to mind some of the more painful recollections.”
In short, it seems that supportive adult relationships can provide emotional safety that helps not only to reduce the salience of painful memories but also to reframe our life stories with more compassion.
