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Have you ever noticed that when you’re amazed by something (at a concert, a sports event, or gazing at a sunset with others), you forget your social anxiety and worries—at least for a minute? For a magical moment, you felt the glow of connection to the people around you and a sense of belonging or oneness. Something astonishing drew your attention beyond your busy headspace out into the wider world around you. Dacher Keltner, a prominent researcher on awe and wonder, calls this awe-infused, social experience with others “collective effervescence.”
For over 10 years, neuroscience has shown us how awe draws our attention out of our nagging thoughts, rumination, and social anxiety. A state of awe deactivates the default mode network (DMN) of our brains and allows us to switch our focus outside of ourselves and beyond self-referential thinking. Being awestruck also allows us to see beyond our expectations and predicted outcomes (beyond our “predictive coding,” according to psychologists).
Dacher Keltner describes how this emotion of awe invites ways to build meaningful connections. “How does awe transform us? By quieting the nagging, self-critical, overbearing, status-conscious voice of our self or ego, and empowering us to collaborate, to open our minds to wonders, and to see the deep patterns of life” (Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life).
When we feel awe and wonder, we naturally enter the present moment, free of distractions and busy inner chatter. For example, imagine a bright red cardinal suddenly landing on a branch near your window. You’re momentarily mesmerized, and time seems to stand still. You become open and curious, a natural response to awe. If another person is in the room with you, or a group of people are there, you might exclaim your wonderment out loud: “Oh wow, did you see that?” Your unabashed sense of wonder engages others and elicits conversation—and maybe a little playfulness and joy.
Indeed, shared moments of wonder can bring out the best in ourselves. Hopefully, during our holiday season, we can welcome little pockets of awe and wonder into our time spent with others. Even when we call someone or Zoom with someone, we could share a wondrous story of something that took our breath away—recently, or long ago, an unforgettable moment that we treasure in a conversation.
In our tech-driven, onscreen habits of these times, we often forget that our sense of wonder, curiosity, and openness is vital to making connections with others. Furthermore, our sense of wonder can ease social anxiety and fears of not fitting in. When everyone is suddenly amazed by something breathtaking, or that gives us goosebumps, we feel these sensations together—and that encourages more connection.
But nowadays, I worry that our onscreen habits are robbing us of wondrous moments when we meet in person. We might be missing opportunities for spontaneous conversation, storytelling, and discovering meaningful ways to share ourselves.
Do we too quickly get back on our phones after we spot a cardinal, marvel at a rainbow, or revel in a spellbinding song on the radio? We may have grown wary of any casual in-person interaction, even when a fellow traveler or colleague is awed by the very same experience. Or we’ve adopted more calculated and detached behaviors—but it’s lonely if we never share our wonder.
Studies show that awe and wonder can prevent isolation, cynicism, and hopelessness. Awe provides a sense of openness that helps us reach out to build community and new friendships.
Perhaps in pre-pandemic times, we could share our wonder-seeking, curious side with people more easily and fluidly. Tired and guarded, amid political and financial upheaval and global unease, many of us feel a palpable testiness in almost everyone. A recent poll from the Institute of Politics at Harvard Kennedy School reported that our social trust is unravelling. We look at our phones to avoid contact, not so much because we love what’s onscreen, but because getting into a conversation could mean getting into trouble.
These avoidant social behaviors echo studies showing that Americans are less likely to spontaneously chat or even just hang out together. In an article in the Atlantic (February 2024), Derek Thompson reports that the number of hours Americans spend in face-to-face interactions has dropped 30 percent in 20 years (between 2003 and 2022). For teenagers, the decline is 45 percent.
Anxiety and fear of social judgment seem to be tongue-tying us. Generation Z and younger people are far less inclined to chat or wonder openly with others in person. It might be easier to post your wondrous photos or thoughts on TikTok or Instagram than to directly share your amazement with a sibling or a friend. Jonathan Haidt, in his bestseller The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, exposes how young Americans have too much screen time and not enough autonomy. And that means they may be holding back from venturing into new opportunities for awe.
These social trends reveal a fear of interacting in person, especially while in public, or working, exploring, traveling, learning, and being out in the world. Trying to share wondrous moments and meeting new people at social events can be unpredictable and awkward, and may be too risky for many of us.
Overall, as a society, we’ve become risk-averse to thinking out loud, let alone wondering out loud.
But now, during the holiday season, in these cynical times, we need our awe and wonder moments more than ever. Sharing our wonder, even in brief, fleeting moments, helps us break through isolation, social anxiety, and loneliness.
As a former rehabilitation counselor and educator, years before neuroscience had examined and validated the powers of awe, I intuitively relied on bringing the “wow factor” into my groups. The best icebreakers for groups were things that people found wondrous or fascinating for at least a few minutes. I even used awe-inducing gimmicks to stun my students and get their attention. I showed a video of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, or brought in a strange artifact to pass around, or played a piece of mysterious music. These immersive, wonder-enhancing activities helped people focus as a group. Better focusing led to better listening, which led to better engagement.
Researcher Michelle Shiota attests to the prosocial benefits of awe in a BBC article: “When I am less focused on myself, on my own goals and needs and the thoughts in my head, I have more bandwidth to notice you and what you may be experiencing.”
During the holidays and beyond, hopefully, we can foster awe and wonder experiences to reach out to others. Even a few minutes can spark a memorable experience.
Ways to share our sense of wonder with others
- Exploring light shows and lights, inside and outside—decorations, art, spectacles
- Viewing constellations and night skies
- Being near wide bodies of water
- Infusing ourselves with music that gives us chills
- Enjoying immersive art exhibits
- IMAX showings of nature and space features
- Watching the Webb telescope online or using a real telescope
- Discovering optical illusions in art (some U.S. cities have a Museum of Illusions, including Boston, Charlotte, Chicago, New York, San Diego, Atlanta, Denver, and others)
- Watching birds and using binoculars at times
- Reading wondrous poetry out loud (Mary Oliver, Wendell Berry, Robert Frost, Maya Angelou, and others)
- Going to concerts and performances
- Watching concerts on YouTube
- Walking together through woods and fields
- Enjoying nature videos and documentaries
- Sitting by a fireplace and sharing wondrous stories
- Sharing amazing dreams, synchronicities, and signs
All of these glorious, awe-inspiring activities allow us to tap our vital sense of wonder. And we might keep in mind a quote from G.K. Chesterton from a century ago:
“The world will never starve for want of wonders; but only for want of wonder.”
