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One day, I’m going to move to Southern California and become a Buddhist! As these words hung in the air, I was overwhelmed by the urge to take them back, but it was too late.
My bold declaration had left my graduate school classmate, Nicole, with a look that was hard to read at first, but I concluded that she was about to alert the authorities, and they were coming to take me to the psychiatric hospital—a place that was unfortunately all too familiar to me. After 12 such hospitalizations, and a bipolar diagnosis, I was always on high alert. I had to be.
Yet, there I was, having put enough of the pieces of my life back together to go to Columbia University and get my master’s in education. And despite major imposter syndrome, I was doing well in my classes. But I was certainly not confident that this would continue and was certain that the proverbial “other shoe” was about to drop.
What happened next was not only amazing, but life-changing. I braced myself for Nicole’s reply, and suddenly her dumbfounded look turned into a huge grin. “I’m from Southern California and I’m a Buddhist, and there’s a meeting tonight and you have to come!”
I took this as a sign from the universe, and decided to go, and while that meeting was nice, they were talking only about world peace, which sounded important, but to be honest was of little consequence to me at the time. I was just trying to get by day-to-day. I had no idea how this meeting was ultimately going to change my life.
Fast forward 20 years, and not only am I a practicing Buddhist, but I also have found recovery from my mental health symptoms. This means that for the last 15 years, I haven’t had the symptoms of mania, depression, or psychosis that once completely decimated my life.
It is true that I have used many tools to recover, including therapy and medication, but I was always in therapy, and have been on the same medications since before I started my journey with Buddhism. The only thing that changed was that I began the Buddhist practice of repeatedly chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo, a Sanskrit term that, loosely translated, means “I pledge my devotion to the Mystic Law of cause and effect through sound.”
Here are some of the reasons that practicing Nichiren Buddhism has helped me to not only recover from bipolar but stay that way over the past decade and a half.
- Chanting Changed My Brain: When I first began chanting, my “executive functioning” was severely impaired. Due to the psychosis that I had been experiencing for years, I could barely use an ATM card, because there were too many steps. This is just one of many examples. This is a common phenomenon for people who experience psychosis. But one of the first things that I noticed when I began chanting was that my driving, another thing that I was struggling with because of psychosis, got much better. Slowly, my mind got less busy, and I was able to function at a higher level than pre-psychosis. This included not only graduating grad school with great grades, but it also included more simple things such as navigating the complex subway system in NYC. While I don’t have the brain scans to prove this, researchers such as Lisa Miller have confirmed that spirituality does change the brain’s neuropathways.
- Feeling Supported by a Community: The organization that I practice with is easily one of the most diverse and supportive organizations that I’ve ever been a part of. This is not a “sales pitch,” it’s merely my experience. We practice in small groups in people’s homes, where people of all races, ages, socio-economic statuses, etc., all come together with one goal: world peace through helping individuals become happy. In between meetings, leaders visit members in their homes to chant with them and support them. There is a monthly “member care meeting,” where leaders discuss how the members are doing and who needs support. Having this type of community has been powerful in my life. In an age of disconnection and isolation, it is no mystery as to why: People who connect are happier and healthier, and my Buddhist organization creates ample opportunity for that, and meets people where they are, encouraging and supporting them every step along the way. I always say that when you are connecting with a group of people who are organizing for world peace, it’s bound to be a great group.
- Transforming My Life Philosophy: Before I came to Buddhism, I was truly a “negative Nancy.” I believed that I was the victim in life, and that it was everyone’s fault but mine. My life philosophy was “Why me?” Yet, I learned quickly that this perspective didn’t jive with Buddhism. The belief is that obstacles are opportunities to grow and move toward the highest life state of Buddhahood (which is akin to enlightenment). A problem-free life doesn’t inspire one to really dig in and chant, and the chanting is what transforms one’s life state. In Buddhism, we are taught to chant to change “poison into medicine.” For me, that looks like taking my bipolar experience and using it to help others, through my peer life coaching practice and through training mental health professionals on the idea that mental health recovery happens.
- Building My Self-Esteem: I am not naturally a confident person. I think I was born with low self-esteem. Add the stigma of living with a major mental illness in my past, and it is a formula for insecurity. Yet, the whole purpose of my Buddhist practice is to become awakened to the idea that I am the Buddha, and so is everyone else. In other words, we all have that “spark of divinity” within. The original Buddha attained enlightenment under the bodhi tree when he achieved this state of awareness. It took me probably around 15 years to realize that I should chant to believe this about myself, and another three years to believe it—not just intellectually, but in my soul. Yet, once I did, my self-esteem really began to soar. While it’s an everyday practice to continue to believe this, this is my most important prayer, because when I believe I am the Buddha I am truly happy, and when I believe that you are the Buddha, I treat you with the deepest amount of respect. And this is how world peace spreads.
When I began chanting 20 years ago, I had no idea that my life would unfold in the way it did. I transformed and continue to transform every area of my life—from my career, to my love life, to my closest relationships, to my finances, to my mental health. And, oh, about Southern California? I still need something to chant about, don’t I?
