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When people think about sports, attention is often driven to athletes’ physical abilities, psychological endurance, and team-based achievements (Sarkar & Fletcher, 2014). A far less visible but equally significant aspect of the sport experience is the presence of grief following death within sport contexts. Despite its inevitability, grief in sport remains under-examined and frequently marginalized, leaving athletes, teams, and support personnel to navigate loss without adequate recognition or structured support (Pack, 2022).
To highlight this important topic, thanatologist Emilio Parga, founder and Executive Director of The Solace Tree, created the Death, Trauma, and Informed Grief Special Interest Group (SIG) within the Association for Applied Sport Psychology (AASP) to help sports professionals prepare their organizations for the aftermath of death. Parga and I spoke recently about areas of grief exploration and how we can support athletes in the wake of loss.
How the Concept of Strength Plays Into Grief
Research on athlete culture consistently shows that norms of toughness and emotional control shape how athletes interpret and respond to distress (Reardon et al., 2019; Rice et al., 2016). A person experiencing grief might feel as if their strength has disappeared, but Parga explains it in a different way:
“Sport tells a powerful story about strength. Push through pain; stay tough, control your emotions, and perform no matter what. For athletes, these messages become about both motivation and identity. Athletes see strength as discipline, composure, and endurance under pressure. These beliefs build extraordinary resilience, yet grief has a way of exposing the limits of even the strongest performance mindsets. Grief doesn’t follow sport’s rules and there is no magic ending to grief.”
When a teammate dies, the world does not simply “reset” after the tribute ends. Many athletes describe returning to environments that appear unchanged. Daily routines and expectations remain the same, but an integral part of the team is missing—the person who died. Strength can include expressing feelings related to grief.
What Does Grief Look Like in a Sport Setting?
Within sport settings, research highlights that experiences of loss, including the death of a teammate, can disrupt identity, psychological safety, and performance consistency (Atkins & Lorelle, 2024; O’Brien et al., 2025). As Parga pointed out, grief rarely announces itself dramatically. It often moves quietly through the body and mind and might appear as:
Fatigue that feels unfamiliar
Difficulty concentrating
Irritability without a clear cause
Emotional swings that seem disproportionate
Moments of numbness
Grief Doesn’t Feel the Same for Everyone
Helping athletes understand that everyone experiences grief differently provides the space to honestly reflect upon one’s unique and individual grief expression. Parga emphasized this point:
“Grief rarely looks the same from person to person. One athlete may immerse themselves in training while another may struggle with focus. One may express emotion openly, another may withdraw.”
Research consistently shows wide variability in grief responses (Atkins & Lorelle, 2024), yet athletes often and relentlessly compare themselves to others. They might think, ”Why am I not handling this better?” or “Everyone else seems fine, why am I feeling bad?”
Research about mental health stigma among athletes helps explain this internal dialogue. Athletes frequently hesitate to disclose distress due to fear of judgment, concerns about appearing weak, or perceived performance consequences (Küttel et al., 2020; Rice et al., 2016). Silence about grief risks emphasizing a culture of ignoring difficult-to-manage emotions rather than creating space to heal them.
Deaths by Suicide
Suicide remains the second leading cause of death among athletes (accidents are the first nonmedical cause of death) (Whelan, 2024). When a death involves suicide, silence often deepens. Suicide carries layers of stigma, discomfort, and uncertainty. Athletes may struggle with questions they feel unsafe to ask, while coaches may worry about saying the wrong thing.
Gently and honestly naming reality can help stabilize environments. Research shows that being proactive about personalizing the nature of the loss (specific and individualized rituals) strengthens the sense of community, while avoiding discussions can lead people to feel isolated (Marek & Oexle, 2024). Similarly, research on suicide bereavement shows that open, compassionate dialogue reduces isolation and supports healthier adaptation (Andriessen et al., 2017; Marek & Oexle, 2024).
What We Can Say to People Who Experience Grief
Grief does not require perfect words. Often, what’s missing inside grieving teams is permission to feel one’s emotions and share one’s thoughts. Athletes wait for acknowledgement, coaches wait for cues, and silence fills the space between them. “What people frequently need most is remarkably simple,” Parga explained. He said that simple phrases like these can often help:
“This is hard.”
“This matters.”
“You are not alone.”
One athlete described the relief of hearing similar, simple words: “We didn’t need speeches. We just needed someone to say, ‘Of course this is hard.’”
What We Can Do to Help
Grief expands the definition of strength. Strength is staying present when emotions are uncomfortable and allowing healing and safe reactions without judgment. Remaining connected to others while healing can allow people to move forward without pretending that nothing has changed. In sport, strength is often associated with endurance. In grief, strength becomes honesty, and perhaps the most important truth for athletes to remember: Feeling emotions is not a performance flaw.
Athletes, staff, coaches, and others within the sporting environment can consider the following:
Emphasize sharing emotions as a strength. Athletes are used to celebrating with their teammates, and they might be less used to sharing difficult emotions. Role modeling sharing emotions about grief, loss, and death can help others open up and begin their own healing process.
Because everyone experiences grief differently, it can be of service to educate people about the different ways we experience, express, and manage individual grief symptoms.
Addressing suicide directly breaks the silent avoidance of a difficult topic. Talking about suicidal thoughts, actions, and aftermath can help people begin to open up about their feelings related to the loss of someone by suicide, and it can even help them express their own thoughts of suicide or death in general.
It might be hard to find something to say to grieving people, and a simple phrase like “You are not alone” or “I am here for you” can be extremely meaningful.
Regular check-ins can help people experiencing grief realize that others feel the loss, too, and that there is ongoing support during the ups and downs that people experience after a death.
Calling a counselor to help those who have experienced a loss can help set the stage for ongoing conversations about grief, loss, and healing
Grief Does Not Have an Expiration Date
People often ask when they will feel better. Grief does not have an expiration date, but people can learn how to carry it in ways that feel more manageable over time. In sports and in life, strength is not moving on from or forgetting grief; strength is learning how to move forward while continuing to honor what mattered. Grief does not disappear, but it can be something you live with rather than something that stops you. Over time, it exists alongside purpose, connection, and the parts of life that continue to move forward.
If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7, dial 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
