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Precocious children, with the help of their parents, relatives, teachers, and tutors, have to learn how to deal with the intellectual, emotional, and social challenges that extremely bright people struggle with on a day-to-day basis. As well, adults who are very bright need to understand how they are different from more “average” individuals. Are you wondering, “Why does understanding this issue help with high-strung children, teenagers, and adults?” Here are my answers.
1. Understanding gifted individuals’ intense questioning and almost desperate need for all kinds of challenges and attention is the most reasonable and effective way to deal with their endless interrogations. Being confrontational will not help. Avoid saying to your young child, “Information about space travel is for older people to understand.” Or, “Stop asking questions; you are wearing me out.”
For example, your 5-year-old asks, “How does a spaceship with an astronaut aboard manage to come down to earth when it leaves the moon?” Do space travelers just jump off the rocket ship?”
Do you say, “Of course not!” You say that special procedures and instruments are used when you travel so many miles away from home. I have heard physicists talking with the astronauts who report that returning to earth is very, very scary, no matter how much scientific reasoning and computation has gone into the event.
Children and teenagers with inquisitive minds and lots of curiosity are really not dead-set on driving you crazy and wearing you out. When gifted individuals see something or hear something that they want to understand, they expect and are determined to find an answer. “Why is that man sleeping in the street? Why is my mommy crying? Why is my father so upset about his car repair bill? We have an extra car in our garage to use.” The answers to these types of questions are complicated, and explanations can take time and a lot of effort.
Actually, extremely smart and passionate children and adults are remarkably imaginative and even astonishing problem solvers. I remember many conversations I had with my gifted clients and my own children. I am still impressed, inspired, educated, and entertained by these conversations. Having raised two very curious individuals, I know firsthand that gifted children are really real!
In other words, they have not been coached by their parents to ask complicated and very serious questions. Real concerns about right and wrong, and good and bad, are common questions for children to explore with their parents, relatives, and teachers. Gifted individuals long desperately for answers to their own personal questions. This need for understanding is not prevalent for more “average” children and adults.
The reaction of “listeners” is also remarkable. Mom says to her own mother: “Is this really happening? My daughter is only four years old and wants to learn how to read. The classroom teacher thinks I am just bragging when I am asking for the school’s help.” Grandma has lots of empathy for her daughter’s confusion about how to raise a gifted child.
2. Giftedness can be intimidating for an average person who has not had any experience with exceptionally smart and talented individuals. Again, the average person is puzzled by special abilities that are not seen on an everyday basis. Even if you are around gifted people, it is still incredible to watch their distinctive and quick talents and abilities.
How do parents and teachers come to understand giftedness in a way that will help them support their children and develop their true identity?
Here are my suggestions:
1. Do your research: Knowledge that you acquire from books and interacting with other people goes a long way to understanding quick and emotional persons.
Relationships Essential Reads
2. Seek help from professionals who work with gifted kids and adults.
3. Avoid talking behind people’s backs about their children, friends, or colleagues.
How to React to the Neediness of Gifted Individuals
1. React calmly with interest and sensitivity to their curiosity and need to be understood and helped.
2. Carefully listen to what they are asking for in terms of help and understanding.
3. Offer the support that you can give, even if you believe that they want more from you than you can give. Overdoing will always backfire on you.
Concluding Remarks
My best advice for dealing with giftedness is to acquire as much knowledge based on experience and actual observation as you can. While education and enthusiasm are important to the gifted child, too much is just too much. Try to teach your gifted kids to relate to others who may not be as smart as they are. My brother and his wife are scientific geniuses who cannot relate to the non-gifted world. It is sad to observe the awkwardness that emerges when gifted people are judging the non-gifted and non-gifted people (you could say average or normal) are judging them in turn. Try to be accepting of different abilities and appreciate the good in each person.
