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Most of us cross paths with people we know outside of our families during the course of our day. From neighbors to co-workers, in the workplace and the marketplace, we run into people we know all the time. Depending on the relationship, we might wave to get their attention to say hello, or walk the other way. When we choose to engage, many people take the easy way out by defaulting to the usual greeting—some version of: “How are you?” To which the answer is usually “fine.” The conversation is over before it has even started. Sometimes we decide to prolong the pleasantries by asking the routine follow-up, “What have you been up to?” The answer is predictable: “Not much, just working. What about you?” Thankfully, there are more interesting ways to engage that may actually spark a more meaningful connection.
Socializing Through Small Talk
Small talk is a part of daily life. I have previously written about how small talk creates chemistry and prompts a desire for future conversation. But it also depends on what you talk about. Conversation can do more than build rapport; it can build relationships. Despite their brief nature, short daily greetings have great potential.
Jessica R. Methot et al. (2021), in a paper titled “Office Chitchat as a Social Ritual,” investigated the role of small talk at the office, revealing it is both distracting and uplifting. They observe that small talk comprises nearly one-third of adult speech and may have significant consequences in the workplace. Examining small talk in an occupational setting over a three-week period, they found that it enhanced the daily positive social emotions at work for employees, as well as well-being at the end of the workday—although it also disrupted their ability to cognitively engage in their work. They suggest that their results indicate that the ritualistic, formulaic, and polite nature of small talk can be somewhat distracting, but it is also uplifting, which many modern employees would remark can provide a much-needed boost of morale during their day.
Great Relationships Stem From Great Questions
If you want to get to know someone at your workplace better, considering that research reveals the emotional appeal of small talk, skip the usual questions that prompt mindless, perfunctory responses. We learn the most important things about other people when they share information they enjoy discussing, which requires selective questioning. The best questions focus on something your conversation partner is passionate about. From personal goals to professional interests, creative questions create chemistry. Within established relationships, examples include asking your boss how her daughter’s dance recital went last week or asking a co-worker about an upcoming well-deserved vacation she is planning. If you don’t know someone well, consider inquiring about something innocuous, like what they like to do on weekends or on their personal time. Appropriate topics and professional phrasing ensure acquaintances detect your genuine interest in developing a healthy social relationship.
Open-ended questions generate better answers that allow for follow-up. Ask how a colleague’s son is enjoying college, and what subjects he likes the best. Explore what a peer enjoys most about a favorite sport or pastime. Nostalgic topics are famous favorites for generating positive conversation, including television shows or restaurants someone grew up with, which you likely remember fondly as well. Bonding through shared experience yields positive results.
In any setting, asking questions that prompt feelings of pleasure creates a sense of well-being that your conversation partner will associate with you. Accordingly, thoughtful, meaningful questions can stimulate relationships, build trust, and distinguish you from the workplace pack of peers as someone who genuinely cares about getting to know them.
