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Therapy is not an easy thing to participate in. Seeking out and committing to therapy requires vulnerability, and vulnerability feels dangerous to the nervous system. When we open up, we risk rejection, shame, exposure, and loss of control. Humans are wired to protect themselves from pain, not walk toward it. I talk about this premise in my TEDx Talk “Circumventing Emotional Avoidance.” So, when a person sits down in therapy and faces themselves, that act is not a weak one, but rather an act of bravery.
It takes extraordinary courage to sit across from someone, let your guard drop, and say, “Here is where I hurt.”—to take risk, speak vulnerably, and ask for help.
As therapists, we witness that moment every day. We don’t take it for granted. We feel honored and deeply blessed that we are trusted with parts of the self and elements of people’s lives that are personal, private, and cherished.
Whether healing trauma, healing grief, healing self-abandonment, or healing nervous systems wired for survival, it is a privilege to walk beside you.
A Heartfelt Letter for Those in Therapy
Thank you.
Thank you for letting me witness you. Thank you for trusting me with your thoughts, emotions, and circumstances you’ve never said out loud; memories you’ve repressed, acted out on, or defended against; patterns you’ve been ashamed to admit; and longings you’ve been afraid to name. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for staying, even when your mind and body resisted. And thank you for doing the profoundly difficult, beautiful work of healing.
I am honored to sit with you. I am deeply moved watching you tap into your authentic self, who is bountiful, whole, and worthy. Partnering in your evolution and transformation is a gift you give to yourself and to me. I am genuinely delighted when I see you grow into who you already were, underneath the pain.
Avoidance of your emotions keeps whatever you’re grappling with alive and brewing in your system. As you’ve become increasingly aware, when you avoid thinking about your challenges, you get short-term relief, but the pain remains fragmented and unprocessed, and it tends to come back with greater intensity. Therapy asks you to do the opposite: notice, turn toward, allow, and feel. You’re being intentional and proactive. That is emotional strength and behavioral courage in action.
I get to watch that courage take form in real time.
I watch the moment you stop saying, “Why am I like this?” and instead ask, softly, “Where and why did I learn to do this?” That shift that you committed to and embarked on, from self-judgment to self-understanding, from self-criticism to self-compassion, is the process of healing you’ve helped initiate and sustain. You’re contributing to your growing confidence, increased resilience, and better outcomes aligned with your values. I get to fondly witness it all.
I also see you become more honest with yourself.
Therapy is not just disclosure; it’s accountability. It is looking at patterns that once felt protective and asking, “Is this still serving me?” That is challenging introspection. You’ve stayed loyal to your growth. Sometimes you discover that a coping strategy that once kept you safe, like perfectionism, emotional numbing, over-functioning, people-pleasing, or withdrawal, is now isolating you, disconnecting you from your needs, or exhausting you. You’ve slowly been letting go of old strategies, even though at times it felt terrifying because, at one point in your life, it was all you knew and how you survived.
The willingness to look at yourself honestly, to name avoidance, defensiveness, anger, detachment, control, and to ask, “What is this protecting?” rather than “What is wrong with me?” is powerful and profoundly humanistic. The capacity to remain psychologically flexible and stay with your present-moment experience, even when it’s painful, and still move in the direction of what matters to you—it says so much about your improvement. You are choosing to let go of your narratives, negative core beliefs, and habituated emotions, and literally rewire your brain to think, feel, and behave more expansively and helpfully.
I see you connecting with yourself so much more.
I see you connect to feelings you might not have been able to while growing up. I see you grieve what you didn’t get to—the safety, the tenderness, the attunement—and allow that grief to be real instead of dismissing it. I see you doing things like identifying your needs and asserting boundaries and then sitting with me, terrified that you were “too much,” “too demanding,” or “selfish,” and we breathe through that shame together. I see you forgive yourself for not being able to save everyone. I see you learning that receiving care is not weakness.
And I cannot tell you how proud I am of you in those moments.
Therapy is often framed as “You come in, you tell me what’s wrong, I give you insight or tools.” That’s not what is actually happening in the room. What’s happening between you and me is connection and relational healing. I provide a holding environment and safe space for you to be seen, heard, and nurtured.
Humans heal in safe connection. We co-regulate. When you are sitting with me, and I stay present with you while you experience whatever comes up for you, whether it be fear, sadness, rage, panic, or numbness, and I don’t leave, shame you, interrupt you, or demand that you be different, your nervous system learns, slowly, to relax. We facilitate together, a corrective emotional experience. That is reparative. That is medicine.
I am acutely aware that it is a privilege to be in that role.
I am moved, often, and very deeply when you say things like, “I couldn’t wait to see you and share,” “I’ve never told this to anyone,” or “This time with you was so helpful.” I feel these comments viscerally, because I genuinely care about you and your well-being.
Part of my responsibility is to create a space where you are not judged, pathologized, or rushed; to challenge you when it serves your growth; and to protect you while you explore yourself.
But what I want you to know is that partnering with you in your development and journey is deeply meaningful to me. I am honored when you let me walk alongside you. I am honored when you let me sit with you while you’re carrying and experiencing your array of thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. I am honored when you allow me to celebrate your joy.
I get to see it all—the challenges, the pains, the accomplishments, and the joy. I get to observe you rejoicing and watch you come home to your authentic self. I watch you laugh. I watch you function better. I watch you say and connect with, “I deserve to take up space.” I am truly humbled and grateful that you trust me with it all.
I see your strength. I see you acting out of self-respect and dignity. You embody and embrace: “My emotional life matters. My nervous system matters. My story matters. I matter.” Thank you over and over again for letting me witness and partner in your incredible evolution.
To enhance inner connection, listen to a Getting in Touch with Our Authentic Self-Guided Meditation led by me.
