970x125
October invites us to play with fear. We tour haunted houses, watch jump-scare movies, and swap ghost stories for fun. But for too many Black and other marginalized youth, “spooky season” doesn’t end when the credits roll. The tricks that linger after Halloween (like someone dressing up in “Blackface” or appropriating your culture, microaggressions in the hallway, exclusion at lunch, racial jokes in a group chat) aren’t pretend. They’re real stressors with real effects on mood, sleep, motivation, and learning.
As a clinician, mentor, and aunt/big cousin, I’ve heard dozens of versions of the same story: a student steels themselves through the day, gets blindsided by a comment that stings, swallows the feeling to “keep the peace,” then unravels at home. Although my son is too young to have reported these experiences yet, the good news is that what helps with horror movies helps in real life, too: don’t go in alone, know your exits, and carry the right tools. In therapy we call that a safety plan: a simple, written guide you can use (and rehearse) before the jump-scares happen.
Below, I’ll walk you through a narrative of what this looks like during “spooky season,” then share a ready-to-use safety plan you can adapt for your child, your students, or yourself.
The Hallway Isn’t a Haunted House, But It Can Feel Like One
Picture a seventh-grader: let’s call her Jay. It’s Spirit Week, orange and black everywhere, and the morning starts strong. By third period, the first “harmless joke” lands: a peer repeats a meme that leans on a stereotype. Jay laughs it off. At lunch, a group she sits with most days goes quiet when she arrives; the seats fill, and somehow there isn’t one left for her. After school, a TikTok with a trending “joke” about her culture circulates through the group chat.
None of these moments is a masked villain in a cornfield. But together, they do what fear does best: tighten the chest, quicken the heart, narrow the options. Jay feels smaller, angrier, then numb. By bedtime, sleep is full of loops and what-ifs.
Where’s the flashlight? Where’s the friend who says, “You’re not going in there alone”? That’s the heart of a safety plan: make the invisible visible and replace freeze with steps.
Why a Safety Plan Works
A safety plan is brief, concrete, and practiced; you can think of it like a fire drill. When it’s on paper (or in a phone), the brain doesn’t have to invent coping strategies under pressure; it follows a map. For racial stressors, a plan should be sure to help:
- Name warning signs so kids notice “I’m getting flooded” before they’re overwhelmed.
- Identify safe people and places so they can move toward support, not away from it.
- Rehearse words and skills that regulate the body and protect dignity.
- Clarify next steps (including reporting) so harm isn’t minimized or normalized.
- Invite family routines that restore pride, connection, and calm.
Think of it as packing your bag before the haunted hayride: snacks, water, phone charged, friends nearby. Like with anything scary, preparation can help turn fear into focus.
A Sample Safety Plan for Racial Stressors
Use this as a starting point. Read it with your child or teen, personalize the language, and practice it the way you would a fire drill: calmly, briefly, and more than once.
1. Warning Signs / Triggers (How I know I’m feeling unsafe or at risk)
- Tight stomach, headache, or wanting to hide in my room.
- Hearing racial slurs or jokes at school.
- Being excluded by peers in the cafeteria or during group work.
2. Safe People I Can Go To (Adults and peers who can help me feel safe and supported)
- Mom.
- Auntie Tasha.
- Ms. Lewis (school counselor).
- My best friend Maya.
3. Coping Thoughts / Statements (Words I can tell myself to feel strong and calm)
- “Their words don’t define me.”
- “I’m proud of who I am.”
- “I belong here.”
- “I can’t control what they say, but I can control how I react.”
4. Coping Skills I Can Use (Strategies to calm down or ground myself)
- Deep breathing (three slow breaths in, three out).
- Squeezing stress ball in my pocket.
- Listening to music before school.
- Journaling or drawing when I get home.
5. Steps I Can Take in the Moment
- Ask the person what they meant by their comment.
- Walk away and find a safe person.
- Use one coping statement in my head or out loud.
- Text/call Mom if I feel overwhelmed.
- Report incident to Ms. Lewis.
Microaggression Essential Reads
6. Family & Caregiver Support
- Mom will check in with me after school each day.
- Mom will contact the school if necessary, and especially if incidents happen again.
- Together we’ll listen to music or cook dinner to restore peace after tough days.
- My family will remind me of my strengths and cultural pride every morning before school.
7. Emergency Plan (If I feel unsafe or in danger)
- Call 911 or trusted adult immediately.
- Go to a public place with safe adults.
- Contact Mom right away.
How to Make the Plan “Stick”
Keep it short and visible. One page, printed and folded into the planner, plus a photo saved in my phone. If there’s a lock screen widget your child likes, let them pick it (autonomy, or choice, matters).
Practice without drama. Two minutes at breakfast: “Let’s do the three-breath drill.” On the way to school: “If lunch gets weird, which safe person can you go to first?” Keep it light; you’re installing muscle memory, not rehearsing disaster.
Loop in school allies. Share the plan with a counselor, educator, or coach who has your child’s trust. Agree on a signal (“Can I get a pass?”) so your child can exit situations before they escalate.
Restore pride daily. Fear shrinks us; pride expands us. Counter daily micro-cuts with daily micro-healing: an affirmation at the door, a playlist on the ride, a five-minute “win and worry” check-in after school, a family ritual that says, “You are loved, you are seen, you belong.”
Report and document. Safety plans are not a substitute for accountability. If slurs, harassment, or discrimination occur, document dates, times, and names; notify designated staff; and follow your district’s reporting procedures.
For Parents, Caregivers, and Clinicians: Your Role Is the Treat
Kids borrow from our nervous systems. When we regulate, they regulate. Name your own feelings (“I’m angry that happened, and I’m here with you”), model your own coping (a breath, a sip of water, a pause), and keep the focus on safety, dignity, and next steps. If needed, partner with a culturally responsive clinician to adapt the plan and practice skills in session.
Halloween ends. November arrives. But the “spooky season” of daily racial stressors won’t vanish without skills, support, and systems that protect kids’ right to learn without fear. A safety plan won’t fix everything, yet it turns on the lights: You are not alone. You have choices. You have a way through.
If October is for costumes, let this be the month we refuse to wear masks that hide harm, and let us instead empower ourselves and equip our kids with a plan that lets them walk the halls feeling safe, proud, and prepared.
