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One of the most common questions we get from participants when we’re delivering leadership development programs is, “How can I be a good leader when my own manager sets a bad example?” When your manager isn’t doing a great job of making work meaningful for you, it can be hard to make work meaningful for your own team.
While most Americans are highly satisfied with their boss (Minkin, 2023), some of us find ourselves stuck with a manager who isn’t performing as we would like. That puts middle managers in a tricky position: responsible for delivering results and motivating their own teams while reporting to a boss who is unskilled, unaware, or unmotivated.
This situation certainly isn’t ideal, but there are steps you can take to influence an ineffective boss and shift their bad behavior.
Redirecting Your Boss’ Bad Behavior
To begin with, it’s important to remember that bad behavior usually isn’t an indication that someone is a bad person. Your manager may not realize they are acting unproductively, or may not have had the opportunity to learn good leadership skills.
Too many managers were strong individual contributors who were thrown into a management role because they were good at their jobs, not because they were good leaders. Approaching challenging behavior with curiosity and compassion can foster productive dialogue that leads to long-term behavior change (Edmondson, 2019).
The first step to shifting your manager’s behavior is to learn what matters most to them. By identifying their personal priorities and goals, you will be able to frame your ideas and initiatives in terms of the things they care about (Gabarro & Kotter, 2005).
If your boss isn’t clearly communicating priorities, ask open-ended questions—What’s most important to you this quarter? What does success look like for you?—and propose a plan to document them together. Doing so effectively “teaches” your boss to set clearer expectations.
When seeking a shift in behavior, opening with a line such as, “I know it’s important to you that we hit our numbers this month. I have an idea that I think will help us get there,” is likely to make your boss more receptive and invested in your proposal.
We’ve developed the SOAR model for exactly these situations. Loosely based on research from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School, SOAR is an effective way to manage up and get your boss on board with making a change.
Below is an example of how you might approach a manager who is stressed about sales numbers and seems to show up every Monday with a new idea that he wants the team to chase and engages in frequent micromanagement:
S: Shared Goals
Start by highlighting the goals you and your boss both care about. Whenever possible, connect your idea to solving a pain point or advancing a top priority.
“I know it’s important to all of us that we hit our numbers this month. I have an idea that I think will help us get there.”
O: Opportunities
Frame your idea or initiative as an opportunity to move closer to those shared goals. Show how your idea adds value not just to the team, but to your boss’s agenda as well. Use data or past results to strengthen your case, and, if relevant, highlight the risks of not taking action.
“Getting our junior sales team to close at a higher rate can help get us there. Right now, we’ve given them too many industries to focus on, and each week it feels like we’re adding another KPI, which is confusing and causing unproductive stress. We know from last year’s sales figures that manufacturing is our fastest-growing sector. I think if we focus them exclusively on manufacturing for the next couple of months, we should see outsized results, and we’ll continue to build momentum in a key market.”
Leadership Essential Reads
A: Alignment
Invite your boss into the conversation by asking for their perspective. What stands out to them? Do they see potential roadblocks? What would make them excited about moving the idea forward?
“What do you think? How could you see this working? What would it take to get you behind this idea?”
R: Results
Spell out what success would look like if you moved forward. Define clear outcomes and tie them back to the shared goals you identified at the start. Suggest a plan for tracking progress and checking in together.
“If this plan works, I would expect to see a 20 percent increase in sales across the next three months. Should we plan to check in next month to evaluate progress?”
Once you’re in agreement on the plan, document it so that everyone is on the same page. Then, throughout the project, communicate proactively to focus your boss on the progress you’re making and how you’re delivering on shared priorities. While an ineffective or inexperienced manager may not provide feedback or guidance, these proactive updates prevent surprises and reduce anxiety that might cause the manager to micromanage or cause other unexpected chaos (Gabarro & Kotter, 2005).
When the project is complete, remember to tie the results back to those same priorities and goals to build credibility and gain influence. Doing so consistently reminds your boss that you are delivering, which earns trust and minimizes the temptation to regress to the old behavior.
Cultivating a Critical Skill
Regardless of your boss’ leadership capabilities, managing up is a critical skill for every employee. In fact, it may be more critical for career success than the way you manage your direct reports. When your boss isn’t leading well, whether because of a lack of skill or lack of motivation, managing up is mandatory.
Managing a team while reporting to an ineffective boss is demanding, but it can also be a proving ground. As leadership coach Whitney Johnson (2018) notes, “disruptive times call for disruptive leaders.” Middle managers who can thrive under imperfect conditions often emerge stronger, more influential, and better prepared for senior roles.
