4 Ways to Be a Dynamite First Date

For the time invested in selecting that perfect outfit for a first date, emotion plays a larger role in attraction. That includes behaving in ways that elicit positive emotion in a potential partner, making them feel good about themselves. With that in mind, the first way to be a dynamite first date is to dress for success but endear with emotion.

Attired With Emotional Appeal

Shlomo Hareli et al. (2025) looked at the ways in which attire, as a status signal, interacts with emotional expressions to create first impressions between men and women.[i] In one study, they showed participants photos of other individuals wearing either casual or formal business or party clothes with their faces blurred. In a second study, they showed the faces, combined with expressions of anger, sadness, and neutrality. They found that although attire consistently created inferences about status, dominance, and affiliation across contexts and genders, it was expressed emotion that had a greater impact on participant judgments. Hareli et al. suggest that when emotional information is available, it is more heavily weighted than stereotypical associations with gender or formal dress, because, unlike attire, emotions provide a glimpse into someone’s momentary state of mind.

Accordingly, here are four ideas about how to be emotionally attractive on a first date, no matter what you wear.

1. Authentic Compliments: Research has established compliments as an important part of romantic relationships.[ii] They are of enormous value on a first date as well. Safe compliments for a woman to give a man include expressions of genuine admiration, especially in an area he is proud of, such as the way he raised his children, performs his job, or treats others. Personalized compliments in areas of sustaining value (as opposed to physical appearance) are memorable, valuable, and appreciated, particularly to attractive people who are used to receiving compliments about their looks. Dates who emphasize value in other areas show they are interested in a potential paramour as a person, beyond physical appearance.
2. Look and Listen: Research reveals that simple eye contact enhances the perceived attractiveness of a potential partner. In a speed dating study, Alexandra Hoffmann et al. (2024) found that both sharing and receiving eye contact positively impacted a dater’s desire for a potential partner.[iii] They found that participants were more likely to choose dating partners with whom they shared a higher degree of eye contact, and receiving (but not giving) eye contact also predicted mate choice.
3. Relax and the World Relaxes With You: Comfortable, lighthearted conversation punctuated with plenty of laughter makes for an enjoyable first date worth seeking a second. An easygoing demeanor, expressed through smiling, open-ended questions (What brought you to New York City?), will charm and disarm even the most socially awkward dinner partner and serve as an icebreaker to allow you and your date to get to know each other better.
4. Treat Others Well: Your dating partner definitely wants to see you again when he loves the way you make him feel about himself and sees how well you treat others. Gracing everyone around you with kindness and respect, from your server to your Uber driver, makes you not only personally desirable but also an ideal candidate to invite to family or business events.

Use these four emotionally appealing, authentic strategies on a first date and prepare to decide whether to accept an offer of a second. Slow and steady wins the race and cultivates healthy relationships.